25

第25节

When I got outside, it was just getting light out. It was pretty cold, too, but it felt good because I was sweating so much.

到了外边，天已蒙蒙亮。天气也冷得要命，可我觉得挺舒服，因为我身上正在拚命出汗哩。

I didn't know where the hell to go. I didn't want to go to another hotel and spend all Phoebe's dough. So finally all I did was I walked over to Lexington and took the subway down to Grand Central. My bags were there and all, and I figured I'd sleep in that crazy waiting room where all the benches are. So that's what I did. It wasn't too bad for a while because there weren't many people around and I could stick my feet up. But I don't feel much like discussing it. It wasn't too nice. Don't ever try it. I mean it. It'll depress you.

我不知道他妈的往何处去好。我不想再去开旅馆，把菲芘的钱花光。因此未了儿我往克莱辛敦走去，从那儿乘地铁到中央大车站。我的两只手提箱就存在那儿，那儿的混帐候车室里也有的是长椅，我打算就在椅子上睡一觉。我果真这么做了。有那么一会儿我睡得还不坏，因为候车室里人不多，我可以把两只脚搁在椅子上。可我不想细谈这事。这不是什么好事。你千万别去尝试。我说的是真话，它会使你泄气。

I only slept till around nine o'clock because a million people started coming in the waiting room and I had to take my feet down. I can't sleep so hot if I have to keep my feet on the floor. So I sat up. I still had that headache. It was even worse. And I think I was more depressed than I ever was in my whole life.

我只睡到九点光景，因为那时有千百万人涌进了候车室，我只好把两只脚放下来。两只脚一搁到地板上，我就再也睡不好觉，所以我就坐了起来，我的头痛还没好，而且更厉害了，我只觉得这一辈子从来没这么泄气过。

I didn't want to, but I started thinking about old Mr. Antolini and I wondered what he'd tell Mrs. Antolini when she saw I hadn't slept there or anything. That part didn't worry me too much, though, because I knew Mr. Antolini was very smart and that he could make up something to tell her. He could tell her I'd gone home or something. That part didn't worry me much. But what did worry me was the part about how I'd woke up and found him patting me on the head and all. I mean I wondered if just maybe I was wrong about thinking be was making a flitty pass at ne. I wondered if maybe he just liked to pat guys on the head when they're asleep. I mean how can you tell about that stuff for sure? You can't. I even started wondering if maybe I should've got my bags and gone back to his house, the way I'd said I would. I mean I started thinking that even if he was a flit he certainly'd been very nice to me. I thought how he hadn't minded it when I'd called him up so late, and how he'd told me to come right over if I felt like it. And how he went to all that trouble giving me that advice about finding out the size of your mind and all, and how he was the only guy that'd even gone near that boy James Castle I told you about when he was dead. I thought about all that stuff. And the more I thought about it, the more depressed I got. I mean I started thinking maybe I should've gone back to his house. Maybe he was only patting my head just for the hell of it. The more I thought about it, though, the more depressed and screwed up about it I got. What made it even worse, my eyes were sore as hell. They felt sore and burny from not getting too much sleep. Besides that, I was getting sort of a cold, and I didn't even have a goddam handkerchief with me. I had some in my suitcase, but I didn't feel like taking it out of that strong box and opening it up right in public and all.

我心里并不愿意，可我不由自主地想起老安多里尼先生来，我琢磨着安多里尼太大看见我没睡在那儿，要是问起来，不知安多里尼先生会怎么说。不过这问题我并不太担心，因为我知道安多里尼先生为人非常聪明，他可以编造什么话来向她搪塞。他可以告诉她我已经回家了什么的。这问题我并不太担心。真正让我放不下心的，是我不知道自己怎么会醒来发现他轻轻拍着我的头。我是说我在怀疑或许是我自己猜错了，他并不是在那儿跟我搞同性爱。我怀疑他或许有那么个癖好，爱在别人睡着的时候轻轻拍他的头。我是说这一类玩艺儿你怎么能断定呢？你没法断定。我甚至开始琢磨着我应不应该取出我的手提箱回到他家去，就象我答应他的那样，我是说我开始想到即便他是个搞同性爱的，他待我当然非常好。我想到我这么晚打电话给他，他却一点也不见怪，还叫我马上就去，要是我想去的话。我又想到他一点不怕麻烦，给了我忠告，要我找出头脑的尺寸什么的；还有那个我跟你讲起过的詹姆士·凯瑟尔，他死的时候就只有他一个人敢走近他。我心里想着这一切，越想越泄气。我是说我开始想到我或许应该回到他家去。或许他只是随便拍拍我的头。反正我越想这件事，心里就越泄气，精神也越沮丧。更糟糕的是，我的眼睛疼得要命。由于睡眠不足，我的两眼热辣辣的，疼得要命。再说，我还有点儿感冒了，可我身上连一块混帐手绢都没有。我的手提箱里倒是有几块，可我并不想把箱子从存物处牢固的铁箱里取出来，在公共场所当众把它打开。

There was this magazine that somebody'd left on the bench next to me, so I started reading it, thinking it'd make me stop thinking about Mr. Antolini and a million other things for at least a little while. But this damn article I started reading made me feel almost worse. It was all about hormones. It described how you should look, your face and eyes and all, if your hormones were in good shape, and I didn't look that way at all. I looked exactly like the guy in the article with lousy hormones. So I started getting worried about my hormones. Then I read this other article about how you can tell if you have cancer or not. It said if you had any sores in your mouth that didn't heal pretty quickly, it was a sign that you probably had cancer. I'd had this sore on the inside of my lip for about two weeks. So figured I was getting cancer. That magazine was some little cheerer upper. I finally quit reading it and went outside for a walk. I figured I'd be dead in a couple of months because I had cancer. I really did. I was even positive I would be. It certainly didn't make me feel too gorgeous.

我旁边的长椅上不知谁丢下本杂志在那里，我就拿了看起来，本想借此转移思路，至少暂时不去想安多里尼先生和千百万样其他事情。不过我看了那篇混帐文章，心里反倒更不好过了。文章里全是谈的荷尔蒙。它描写如果你身上的荷尔蒙正常，你的脸色应该怎样，眼神应该怎样，可我完全不是那个样儿。我倒是跟文章里所描写的那种荷尔蒙失常的人一模一样。因此我开始为我的荷尔蒙担起心来。接着我看了另外那篇文章，写的是怎样预测自己有没有得癌。它说你嘴里要是有什么溃疡，一时好不了，那可能就是癌的症状。我的嘴唇里面正好有个溃疡，已有两个星期了。因此我怀疑自己已经得了癌。这杂志倒是一服小小的兴奋剂。未了儿我不看杂志了，出去到外面散一会儿步。我揣摩自己大概要在一两个月内死去，因为我得了癌。我真是这样想的。我甚至肯定自己一定会死去。这当然不是太舒服的感觉。

It'sort of looked like it was going to rain, but I went for this walk anyway. For one thing, I figured I ought to get some breakfast. I wasn't at all hungry, but I figured I ought to at least eat something. I mean at least get something with some vitamins in it. So I started walking way over east, where the pretty cheap restaurants are, because I didn't want to spend a lot of dough.

天象是要下雨的样子，可我还是出去散步了。主要是，我觉得我应该吃点儿早饭。我肚子并不饿，可我觉得我至少应该吃点儿什么。我是说至少吃点儿有维生素的东西。于是我信步往东走去，那儿有不少廉价餐馆，因为我不想花很多的钱。

While I was walking, I passed these two guys that were unloading this big Christmas tree off a truck. One guy kept saying to the other guy, "Hold the sonuvabitch up! Hold it up, for Chrissake!" It certainly was a gorgeous way to talk about a Christmas tree. It was sort of funny, though, in an awful way, and I started to sort of laugh. It was about the worst thing I could've done, because the minute I started to laugh I thought I was going to vomit. I really did. I even started to, but it went away. I don't know why. I mean I hadn't eaten anything unsanitary or like that and usually I have quite a strong stomach. Anyway, I got over it, and I figured I'd feel better if I had something to eat. So I went in this very cheap-looking restaurant and had doughnuts and coffee. Only, I didn't eat the doughnuts. I couldn't swallow them too well. The thing is, if you get very depressed about something, it's hard as hell to swallow. The waiter was very nice, though. He took them back without charging me. I just drank the coffee. Then I left and started walking over toward Fifth Avenue.

我一路走去，看见有两个家伙在一辆卡车上卸一棵大圣诞树。一个家伙不住地跟另一个说：“把这婊子养的抬起来！抬起来，老天爷！”管圣诞树叫婊子养的，确实少见少闻。可是说来可怕，我听在耳朵里，竟还觉得有点儿好笑，所以我不由得笑起来。这实在是我千不该万不该做的最最糟糕的事，因为我刚一笑，就觉得自己要吐。确实是这样。我甚至开始呕吐起来，可是不久也就好了。我不知道这是怎么回事。我是说我不曾院过任何不卫生的东西，而且我的胃一向很健康。嗯，不管怎样我慢慢好了，我心想要是去吃些东西，说不定还能更好过一些。因此我走进一家外表看去非常便宜的餐馆，要了份油炸饼和咖啡。不过，我没吃那份油炸饼。我实在咽不下去。问题是，你要是为了某种事情心里懊丧得要命，就会食不下咽。那个侍者倒真不错。他把那份油炸饼拿了回去，没要我钱。我光是喝了咖啡。随后我走出餐馆，开始向五马路走去。

It was Monday and all, and pretty near Christmas, and all the stores were open. So it wasn't too bad walking on Fifth Avenue. It was fairly Christmasy. All those scraggy-looking Santa Clauses were standing on corners ringing those bells, and the Salvation Army girls, the ones that don't wear any lipstick or anything, were tinging bells too. I sort of kept looking around for those two nuns I'd met at breakfast the day before, but I didn't see them. I knew I wouldn't, because they'd told me they'd come to New York to be schoolteachers, but I kept looking for them anyway. Anyway, it was pretty Christmasy all of a sudden. A million little kids were downtown with their mothers, getting on and off buses and coming in and out of stores. I wished old Phoebe was around. She's not little enough any more to go stark staring mad in the toy department, but she enjoys horsing around and looking at the people. The Christmas before last I took her downtown shopping with me. We had a helluva time. I think it was in Bloomingdale's. We went in the shoe department and we pretended she--old Phoebe-- wanted to get a pair of those very high storm shoes, the kind that have about a million holes to lace up. We had the poor salesman guy going crazy. Old Phoebe tried on about twenty pairs, and each time the poor guy had to lace one shoe all the way up. It was a dirty trick, but it killed old Phoebe. We finally bought a pair of moccasins and charged them. The salesman was very nice about it. I think he knew we were horsing around, because old Phoebe always starts giggling.

今天是星期一，离圣诞节已经很近，所有的铺子也都开门了。因此在五马路上散步倒是挺不错。很有圣诞节气象。所有那些瘦瘦的圣诞老人全都站在角落里摇着铃，还有那班救世军姑娘——脸上不搽脂粉和口红什么的——也在那儿摇铃。我东张西望，寻找昨天吃早饭时候遇见的那两个修女，可我没看见她们。我知道我看不见她们，因为她们告诉我说她们是到纽约来当教师的，可我还是一个劲儿找她们。嗯，不管怎样，一霎时已是一片圣诞节气象。千万个小孩子跟他们的母亲一起来到市中心，在公共汽车里上上下下，在铺子里进进出出。我真希望老菲芘在我身边。她已经不是那种幼稚的孩子，一进儿童玩具部就高兴得命都没有了，不过她倒是喜欢看热闹，逗笑取乐。前年圣诞节我曾带她一起到市中心买东西。我们的确乐了一阵子。我想那次是在百花公司里。我们一起进了鞋部，假装她——老菲芘——要买一双高统雨靴，那种雨靴总有一百万个穿带子的眼儿。我们简直把那个可怜的售货员折腾死了。老菲芘试了约莫二十双，每试一双，那个可怜的家伙就得把一只鞋子上面的带子全都穿好。这实在是种下流的把戏，可是差点儿把老菲芘笑死了。最后我们买了双鹿皮靴，付了钱。那个售货员倒是十分和气。我想他也知道我们是在逗着玩儿，因为老菲芘老是咯咯地笑个不停。

Anyway, I kept walking and walking up Fifth Avenue, without any tie on or anything. Then all of a sudden, something very spooky started happening. Every time I came to the end of a block and stepped off the goddam curb, I had this feeling that I'd never get to the other side of the street. I thought I'd just go down, down, down, and nobody'd ever see me again. Boy, did it scare me. You can't imagine. I started sweating like a bastard--my whole shirt and underwear and everything. Then I started doing something else. Every time I'd get to the end of a block I'd make believe I was talking to my brother Allie. I'd say to him, "Allie, don't let me disappear. Allie, don't let me disappear. Allie, don't let me disappear. Please, Allie."

嗯，我就这样沿着五马路一直往前走，没打领带什么的。接着突然间，一件非常可怕的事发生了。每次我要穿过一条街，我的脚才跨下混帐的街沿石，我的心里马上有一种感觉，好象我永远到不了街对面。我觉得自己会永远往下走、走、走，谁也再见不到我了。嘿，我真是吓坏了。你简直没法想象。我又浑身冒起汗来——我的衬衫和内衣都整个儿湿透了。接着我想出了一个主意。每次我要穿过一条街，我就假装跟我的弟弟艾里说话。我这样跟他说：“艾里，别让我失踪。艾里，别让我失踪。艾里，别让我失踪。劳驾啦，艾里。”等到我走到街对面，发现自己并没失踪，我就向他道谢。

And then when I'd reach the other side of the street without disappearing, I'd thank him. Then it would start all over again as soon as I got to the next corner. But I kept going and all. I was sort of afraid to stop, I think--I don't remember, to tell you the truth. I know I didn't stop till I was way up in the Sixties, past the zoo and all. Then I sat down on this bench. I could hardly get my breath, and I was still sweating like a bastard. I sat there, I guess, for about an hour. Finally, what I decided I'd do, I decided I'd go away. I decided I'd never go home again and I'd never go away to another school again. I decided I'd just see old Phoebe and sort of say good-by to her and all, and give her back her Christmas dough, and then I'd start hitchhiking my way out West. What I'd do, I figured, I'd go down to the Holland Tunnel and bum a ride, and then I'd bum another one, and another one, and another one, and in a few days I'd be somewhere out West where it was very pretty and sunny and where nobody'd know me and I'd get a job. I figured I could get a job at a filling station somewhere, putting gas and oil in people's cars. I didn't care what kind of job it was, though. Just so people didn't know me and I didn't know anybody. I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn't have to have any goddam stupid useless conversations with anybody. If anybody wanted to tell me something, they'd have to write it on a piece of paper and shove it over to me. They'd get bored as hell doing that after a while, and then I'd be through with having conversations for the rest of my life. Everybody'd think I was just a poor deaf-mute bastard and they'd leave me alone. They'd let me put gas and oil in their stupid cars, and they'd pay me a salary and all for it, and I'd build me a little cabin somewhere with the dough I made and live there for the rest of my life. I'd build it right near the woods, but not right in them, because I'd want it to be sunny as hell all the time. I'd cook all my own food, and later on, if I wanted to get married or something, I'd meet this beautiful girl that was also a deaf-mute and we'd get married. She'd come and live in my cabin with me, and if she wanted to say anything to me, she'd have to write it on a goddam piece of paper, like everybody else. If we had any children, we'd hide them somewhere. We could buy them a lot of books and teach them how to read and write by ourselves.

等我要穿行另一条街的时候，我又从头来一遍。可我一个劲儿往前走着。我大概是怕停下来，我想——我记不太清楚了，说老实话。我知道我一直走到第六十条街才停住脚步，都已经走过了动物园什么的。随后我在一把长椅上坐了下来。我都已喘不过气来了，浑身还在冒汗。我在那儿坐了总有一个钟头，我揣摩。最后，我打定主意，决计远走高飞。我决意不再回家，也不再到另一个混帐学校里去念书了。我决定再见老菲芘一面，向她告别，把她过圣诞节的钱还她，随后我一路搭人家的车到西部去。我想先到荷兰隧道不花钱搭一辆车，然后再搭一辆，然后再一辆、再一辆，这样不多几天我就可以到达西部，那儿阳光明媚，景色美丽；那儿没有人认识我，我可以随便找个工作做。我揣摩自己可以在一个加油站里找个工作，给人家的汽车加油什么的。不过我并不在乎找到的是什么样的工作，反正只要人家不认识我、我也不认识人家就成。我又想起了一个主意，打算到了那儿，就装作一个又袭又哑的人。这样我就可以不必跟任何人讲任何混帐废话了。要是有人想跟我说什么，他们就得写在纸上递给我。用这种方法交谈，过不多久他们就会腻烦得要命，这样我的下半辈子就再也用不着跟人谈话了。人人都会认为我是个可怜的又聋又哑的杂种，谁都不会来打扰我。他们会让我把汽油灌进他们的混帐汽车，他们会给我一份工资，我用自己挣来的钱造一座小屋，终身住在里面。我准备把小屋造在树林旁边，而不是造在树林里面，因为我喜欢屋里一天到晚都有充足的阳光。一日三餐我可以自己做了吃，以后我如果想结婚什么的，可以找一个同我一样又聋又哑的美丽姑娘。我们结婚以后，她就搬来跟我一起住在我的小屋里，她如果想跟我说什么话，也得写在一张混帐纸上，象别人一样。我们如果生了孩子，就把他们送到什么地方藏起来。我们可以给他们买许许多多书，亲自教他们读书写字。

I got excited as hell thinking about it. I really did. I knew the part about pretending I was a deaf-mute was crazy, but I liked thinking about it anyway. But I really decided to go out West and all.

我这样想着想着，心里兴奋得要命。我的确兴奋。我知道假装又聋又哑那一节十分荒唐，可我喜欢这样想。不过我倒是真的打定主意要到西部去。

All I wanted to do first was say good-by to old Phoebe. So all of a sudden, I ran like a madman across the street--I damn near got killed doing it, if you want to know the truth--and went in this stationery store and bought a pad and pencil. I figured I'd write her a note telling her where to meet me so I could say good-by to her and give her back her Christmas dough, and then I'd take the note up to her school and get somebody in the principal's office to give it to her. But I just put the pad and pencil in my pocket and started walking fast as hell up to her school--I was too excited to write the note right in the stationery store. I walked fast because I wanted her to get the note before she went home for lunch, and I didn't have any too much time.

我要做的第一件事是向老菲芘告别。因此突然间，我象个疯子似的奔过街心——我险些儿连命都送掉了，我老实告诉你说——到一家文具店里买了支铅笔和一本拍纸簿。我想写张便条给她，叫她到什么地方来会我，以便向她道别，同时把她过圣诞节用的钱还给她。我打算先写好便条，然后拿了它到学校里去，叫校长室里的什么人把条儿送去给她。可我只是把拍纸簿和铅笔塞进衣袋，飞快地向她学校走去——我心里实在太兴奋，没法在文具店里写那张条儿。我走得极快，因为我要她在回家吃午饭之前收到那条儿，但剩下的时间已经不多了。

I knew where her school was, naturally, because I went there myself when I was a kid. When I got there, it felt funny. I wasn't sure I'd remember what it was like inside, but I did. It was exactly the same as it was when I went there. They had that same big yard inside, that was always sort of dark, with those cages around the light bulbs so they wouldn't break if they got hit with a ball. They had those same white circles painted all over the floor, for games and stuff. And those same old basketball rings without any nets--just the backboards and the rings.

我知道她学校在什么地方，自然啦，因为我小时候也在那儿上学。我到了那儿以后，却有一种异样的感觉。我本来没有把握，不知道自已是否还记得里面的情景，可是到了那里，才发现自己记得很清楚。里面的一切完全跟我上学的时候一模一样。还是那个大操场，光线老是有点儿暗淡，灯泡外面装有罩子，球打在上面不会破。场地上依旧到处是白圈圈，以便赛球什么的。篮球架上依旧没有网——光是木板和铁圈。

Nobody was around at all, probably because it wasn't recess period, and it wasn't lunchtime yet. All I saw was one little kid, a colored kid, on his way to the bathroom. He had one of those wooden passes sticking out of his hip pocket, the same way we used to have, to show he had permission and all to go to the bathroom.

场子上一个人也没有，或许因为休息时间已经过了，吃午饭时间还没到。我只看见一个黑人小孩子，正向厕所走去。他的屁股口袋里插着块木头号牌，那号牌也跟我们过去用的一模一样，用来证明他已经获得上厕所的许可。

I was still sweating, but not so bad any more. I went over to the stairs and sat down on the first step and took out the pad and pencil I'd bought. The stairs had the same smell they used to have when I went there. Like somebody'd just taken a leak on them. School stairs always smell like that. Anyway, I sat there and wrote this note:

我身上还在冒汗，可没象刚才那么厉害了。我走到楼梯边，坐在第一个梯级。拿出我刚才买的拍纸簿和铅笔。那楼梯有一股气味，也跟我过去上学的时候一模一样。象是刚有人在—全面撤了泡尿似的。学校里的楼梯老有那种气味。不管怎样，我坐在那儿写了这么张便条：

DEAR PHOEBE,

亲爱的菲芘，

I can't wait around till Wednesday any more so I willprobably hitch hike out west this afternoon. Meet me at theMuseum of art near the door at quarter past 12 if you can and Iwill give you your Christmas dough back. I didn't spend much.

我没法等到星期三了，所以我也许要今天下午搭人家的车到西部去。你要是办得到，请在十二点一刻到博物馆的艺术馆门边来会我。我可以把你过圣诞节用的钱还给你。我没有花掉多少。

Love,HOLDEN

你的亲爱的霍尔顿

Her school was practically right near the museum, and she had to pass it on her way home for lunch anyway, so I knew she could meet me all right.

她的学校简直就在博物馆旁边，她回家吃午饭时反正要走过，所以我知道她准能前来会我。

Then I started walking up the stairs to the principal's office so I could give the note to somebody that would bring it to her in her classroom. I folded it about ten times so nobody'd open it. You can't trust anybody in a goddam school. But I knew they'd give it to her if I was her brother and all.

接着我上楼向校长室走去，想找个人送这张条到她课堂里去。我把便条折了总有十来道，不让人随便拆开偷看。在一个混帐学校里，你简直信不过任何人。可我知道他们要是听说我是她哥哥什么的，一定会把便条送给她。

While I was walking up the stairs, though, all of a sudden I thought I was going to puke again. Only, I didn't. I sat down for a second, and then I felt better. But while I was sitting down, I saw something that drove me crazy. Somebody'd written "Fuck you" on the wall.

我上楼的时候，突然觉得自己好象又要吐了。只是我没吐出来。我就地坐了一秒钟，觉得好过了一些。可我刚坐下去，就看见一样东西，差点儿都把我气疯了。有人在墙上写了“-你”两个大字。

It drove me damn near crazy. I thought how Phoebe and all the other little kids would see it, and how they'd wonder what the hell it meant, and then finally some dirty kid would tell them--all cockeyed, naturally--what it meant, and how they'd all think about it and maybe even worry about it for a couple of days. I kept wanting to kill whoever'd written it. I figured it was some perverty bum that'd sneaked in the school late at night to take a leak or something and then wrote it on the wall. I kept picturing myself catching him at it, and how I'd smash his head on the stone steps till he was good and goddam dead and bloody. But I knew, too, I wouldn't have the guts to do it. I knew that. That made me even more depressed. I hardly even had the guts to rub it off the wall with my hand, if you want to know the truth. I was afraid some teacher would catch me rubbing it off and would think I'd written it. But I rubbed it out anyway, finally. Then I went on up to the principal's office.

我见了真他妈的差点儿气死。我想到菲芘和别的那些小孩子会看到它，不知他妈的是什么意思，最后总有个下流的孩子会解释给她们听——同时把眼睛那么一斜，自然啦——以后有一两天工夫，她们会老想着这事，甚至或许会嘀咕着这事。我真希望亲手把写这两个字的人杀掉。我揣摩大概是哪个性变态的瘪三在深夜里偷偷溜进了学校，撤了泡尿什么的，随后在墙上写下这两个宇。我不住地幻想着自己怎样在他写字的时候捉住他，怎样揪住了他的脑袋往石级上撞，直撞得他头破血流，直挺挺的死在地上。可我也知道自己没勇气干这事。我知道得很清楚。这就使我心里更加泄气。我甚至都没勇气用手把这两个字从墙上擦掉，我老实告诉你说。我生怕哪个教师撞见我在擦，还以为是我写的。可我最后还是把字擦掉了。随后我继续上楼向校长办公室走去。

The principal didn't seem to be around, but some old lady around a hundred years old was sitting at a typewriter. I told her I was Phoebe Caulfield's brother, in 4B-1, and I asked her to please give Phoebe the note. I said it was very important because my mother was sick and wouldn't have lunch ready for Phoebe and that she'd have to meet me and have lunch in a drugstore. She was very nice about it, the old lady. She took the note off me and called some other lady, from the next office, and the other lady went to give it to Phoebe. Then the old lady that was around a hundred years old and I shot the breeze for a while, She was pretty nice, and I told her how I'd gone there to school, too, and my brothers. She asked me where I went to school now, and I told her Pencey, and she said Pencey was a very good school. Even if I'd wanted to, I wouldn't have had the strength to straighten her out. Besides, if she thought Pencey was a very good school, let her think it. You hate to tell new stuff to somebody around a hundred years old. They don't like to hear it. Then, after a while, I left. It was funny. She yelled "Good luck!" at me the same way old Spencer did when I left Pencey. God, how I hate it when somebody yells "Good luck!" at me when I'm leaving somewhere. It's depressing.

校长好象不在，只有一个约莫一百岁的老太太坐在一架打字机跟前。我跟她说我是4B—l班菲芘·考尔菲德的哥哥，我请她劳驾把这张便条送去给菲芘。我说这事非常重要，因为我母亲病了，没法给菲芘准备午饭，她得到约定的地方跟我会面，一起到咖啡馆里去吃饭。这位老太太倒是十分客气。她从我手里接过便条，叫来了隔壁办公室里的另一位太太，那太太就给菲芘送去了。接着那个约莫一百岁的老太大就跟我聊起天来。她十分和气，我就告诉她说，我，还有我兄弟，过去也都在这学校里念书。她问我这会儿在哪里上学，我告诉她说在潘西，她说潘西是个非常好的学校。即便我想要纠正她的看法，我怕自己也没这力量。再说，她要是认为潘西是个非常好的学校，就让她那么认为好了。谁都不乐意把新知识灌输给那些约莫一百岁的老人。他们不爱听。过了一会儿后，我就走了。奇怪的是，她竟也向我大声嚷着“运气好！”就跟我离开潘西时老斯宾塞嚷的一模一样。老天，我最恨的就是我离开什么地方的时候有人冲着我嚷“运气好！”我一听心里就烦。

I went down by a different staircase, and I saw another "Fuck you" on the wall. I tried to rub it off with my hand again, but this one was scratched on, with a knife or something. It wouldn't come off. It's hopeless, anyway. If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the "Fuck you" signs in the world. It's impossible.

我从另一边楼梯下去，又在墙上看见“-你”两个大字。我又想用手把字擦掉，可这两个宇是用刀子什么的刻在上面的，所以怎么擦也擦不掉。嗯，反正这是件没希望的事。哪怕给你一百万年去干这事，世界上那些“-你”的字样你大概连一半都擦不掉。那是不可能的。

I looked at the clock in the recess yard, and it was only twenty to twelve, so I had quite a lot of time to kill before I met old Phoebe. But I just walked over to the museum anyway. There wasn't anyplace else to go. I thought maybe I might stop in a phone booth and give old Jane Gallagher a buzz before I started bumming my way west, but I wasn't in the mood. For one thing, I wasn't even sure she was home for vacation yet. So I just went over to the museum, and hung around.

我望了望操场上的大钟，还只十一点四十，离跟老菲芘约会的时间还很远，所以我还有不少时间可以消磨。可我只是向博物馆走去。此外我也实在没有其它地方可去。我心想，在我搭车西去之前要是路过公用电话间，或许跟琴·迦拉格通个电话，可我没那心情。主要是，我甚至都不知道她已放假回家了没有。因此我一径走到博物馆，在那儿徘徊。

While I was waiting around for Phoebe in the museum, right inside the doors and all, these two little kids came up to me and asked me if I knew where the mummies were. The one little kid, the one that asked me, had his pants open. I told him about it. So he buttoned them up right where he was standing talking to me--he didn't even bother to go behind a post or anything. He killed me. I would've laughed, but I was afraid I'd feel like vomiting again, so I didn't. "Where're the mummies, fella?" the kid said again. "Ya know?"

我正在博物馆里等菲芘，就在大门里边，忽然有两个小孩走过来，问我可知道木乃伊在哪里。那个问我话的小孩裤子全没扣钮扣。我向他指了出来。他就在站着跟我说话的地方把钮扣一一扣上了——他甚至都不找个僻处，象电线杆后面什么的。他真让我笑痛肚皮。只是我没笑出声来，生怕再一次要吐。“木乃伊在哪儿，喂？”那孩子又问了一遍。“你知道吗？”

I horsed around with the two of them a little bit. "The mummies? What're they?" I asked the one kid.

我逗了他们一会儿。“木乃伊？那是什么东西？”我问那个孩子。

"You know. The mummies--them dead guys. That get buried in them toons and all."

“你知道。木乃伊——死了的人。就是葬在粉里的。”

Toons. That killed me. He meant tombs.

粉。真笑死人。他说的是坟。

"How come you two guys aren't in school?" I said.

“你们两个怎么不上学？”我说。

"No school t'day," the kid that did all the talking said. He was lying, sure as I'm alive, the little bastard. I didn't have anything to do, though, till old Phoebe showed up, so I helped them find the place where the mummies were. Boy, I used to know exactly where they were, but I hadn't been in that museum in years.

“今天不上课，”那孩子说，两个孩子里面就只他一个说话。我十拿九稳他是在撒谎，这个小杂种。在老菲芘来到之前，我实在没事可做，因此我领着他们去找放木乃伊的地方。嘿，我一向知道放木乃伊的场所，一找便着，可我有多年没到博物馆来了。

"You two guys so interested in mummies?" I said.

“你们两个对木乃伊那么感兴趣？”我说。

"Yeah."

“不错。”

"Can't your friend talk?" I said.

“你的那个朋友会说话吗？”我说。

"He ain't my friend. He's my brudda."

“他不是我的朋友。他是我弟弟。”

"Can't he talk?" I looked at the one that wasn't doing any talking. "Can't you talk at all?" I asked him.

“他会说话吗？”我望着那个一直没开口的孩子说。“你到底会不会说话？”我问他。

"Yeah," he said. "I don't feel like it."

“会，”他说。“我只是不想说话。”

Finally we found the place where the mummies were, and we went in.

最后我们找到了放木乃伊的场所，我们就走了进去。

"You know how the Egyptians buried their dead?" I asked the one kid.

“你们知道埃及人是怎样埋葬死人的吗？”我问那个讲话的孩子。

"Naa."

“不知道。”

"Well, you should. It's very interesting. They wrapped their faces up in these cloths that were treated with some secret chemical. That way they could be buried in their tombs for thousands of years and their faces wouldn't rot or anything. Nobody knows how to do it except the Egyptians. Even modern science."

“呃，你们应该知道。这十分有趣。他们用布把死人的脸包起来，那布都用一种秘密的化学药水浸过。这样他们可以在坟里埋葬几千年，他们的脸一点儿也不会腐烂。除了埃及人谁也不知道怎么搞这玩艺儿。连现代科学也不知道。”

To get to where the mummies were, you had to go down this very narrow sort of hall with stones on the side that they'd taken right out of this Pharaoh's tomb and all. It was pretty spooky, and you could tell the two hot-shots I was with weren't enjoying it too much. They stuck close as hell to me, and the one that didn't talk at all practically was holding onto my sleeve. "Let's go," he said to his brother. "I seen 'em awreddy. C'mon, hey." He turned around and beat it.

要进入放木乃伊的场所，先得通过一个非常窄的门厅，门厅一壁的石头全都是从法老的坟上拆下来的。门厅里黑乎乎的，十分阴森可怕，你看得出跟我一块儿来的这两个木乃伊爱好者不太欣赏。他们都紧靠着我，那个不讲话的孩子简直拉住我的袖子不放。“咱们走吧，”他对他哥哥说。“我已经看过啦。走吧，嗨。”他转身走了。

"He's got a yella streak a mile wide," the other one said. "So long!" He beat it too.

“他的胆子咪咪小，”另外那个孩子说。“再见！”他也走了。

I was the only one left in the tomb then. I sort of liked it, in a way. It was so nice and peaceful. Then, all of a sudden, you'd never guess what I saw on the wall. Another "Fuck you." It was written with a red crayon or something, right under the glass part of the wall, under the stones.

于是只剩下我一个人在坟里了。说起来，我倒是有点喜欢这地方。这儿是那么舒服，那么宁静。接着突然间，你决猜不着我在墙上看见了什么。另外两个大字“-你”。是用红颜色笔之类的玩艺儿写的，就写在石头底下镶玻璃的墙下面。

That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "Fuck you." I'm positive, in fact.

麻烦就在这里。你永远找不到一个舒服、宁静的地方，因为这样的地方并不存在。你或许以为有这样的地方，可你到了那儿，只要一不注意，就会有人偷偷地溜进来，就在你的鼻子底下写了“-你”字样。你不信可以试试。我甚至都这样想，等我死后，他们会把我葬到墓地里，给我立一个墓碑，上面写着“霍尔顿·考尔菲德”的名字，以及哪年生哪年死，然后就在这下面是“-你”两字。我有十足的把握，说实在的。

After I came out of the place where the mummies were, I had to go to the bathroom. I sort of had diarrhea, if you want to know the truth. I didn't mind the diarrhea part too much, but something else happened.

我从放木乃伊的场所走出来，就急于上厕所。我好象是泻肚子了，我老实告诉你说。我倒不太在乎自己泻肚子，可是跟着又发生了另外一件事情。

When I was coming out of the can, right before I got to the door, I sort of passed out. I was lucky, though. I mean I could've killed myself when I hit the floor, but all I did was sort of land on my side. it was a funny thing, though. I felt better after I passed out. I really did. My arm sort of hurt, from where I fell, but I didn't feel so damn dizzy any more.

我刚从厕所里出来，就一下晕过去了。我的运气还算不错。我是说我要是一头撞在石头地上，很可能摔死的，可我只是侧身倒下去。说来奇怪，我晕过去后醒来。倒是好过了一些，的确这样。我的一只胳膊摔疼了一点儿，可我晕得不象刚才那么厉害了。

It was about ten after twelve or so then, and so I went back and stood by the door and waited for old Phoebe. I thought how it might be the last time I'd ever see her again. Any of my relatives, I mean. I figured I'd probably see them again, but not for years. I might come home when I was about thirty-five. I figured, in case somebody got sick and wanted to see me before they died, but that would be the only reason I'd leave my cabin and come back. I even started picturing how it would be when I came back. I knew my mother'd get nervous as hell and start to cry and beg me to stay home and not go back to my cabin, but I'd go anyway. I'd be casual as hell. I'd make her calm down, and then I'd go over to the other side of the living room and take out this cigarette case and light a cigarette, cool as all hell. I'd ask them all to visit me sometime if they wanted to, but I wouldn't insist or anything. What I'd do, I'd let old Phoebe come out and visit me in the summertime and on Christmas vacation and Easter vacation. And I'd let D.B. come out and visit me for a while if he wanted a nice, quiet place for his writing, but he couldn't write any movies in my cabin, only stories and books. I'd have this rule that nobody could do anything phony when they visited me. If anybody tried to do anything phony, they couldn't stay.

已经快到十二点十分了，所以我就出去站在门边，等候菲芘。我心想，这大概是我最后一次跟她见面了。我的意思是说这大概是我最后一次见到我的亲属了。我揣摩我以后大概还会跟我的亲属见面，可总得在好些年以后。我想，我可能在三十五岁左右再回家一次，那也只是家里有什么人生病，在死前想见我一面，要不然我说什么也不会离开我的小屋回家。我甚至开始想象我回家以后会是什么样子。我知道我母亲会歇斯底里发作，哭哭啼啼的求我留在家里，叫我别再回到我的小屋里去，可我还是要走。我会装出若无其事的样子，先让我母亲平静下来，随后走到客厅的另一头，取出烟盒来点一支烟，冷静得要命。我请他们大伙儿有空到我那儿去玩，可我并不强求他们去。我倒是打算这么做，我打算让老菲芘在夏天、圣诞节和复活节到我那里来度假期。DB要是想找一个舒服、宁静的地方写作，我也可以让他到我那儿来往，只是他不能在我的小屋里写什么电影剧本，只能写短篇小说和其它著作。我要定出这么个规则，凡是来看我的人，都不准在我家里做任何假模假式的事。谁要是想在我家里作假，就马上请他上路。

All of a sudden I looked at the clock in the checkroom and it was twenty-five of one. I began to get scared that maybe that old lady in the school had told that other lady not to give old Phoebe my message. I began to get scared that maybe she'd told her to burn it or something. It really scared hell out of me. I really wanted to see old Phoebe before I hit the road. I mean I had her Christmas dough and all.

突然，我抬头一看衣帽间里的钟，已经十二点三十五了，我开始担起心来，生怕学校里的那个老太太已经偷偷地嘱咐另外那位太大，叫她别给老菲芘送信。我担心她或许叫那位太大把那张便条烧了什么的。这么一想，我心里真是害怕极了。我在上路之前，倒真想见老菲芘一面，我是说我还拿了她过圣诞节的钱哩。

Finally, I saw her. I saw her through the glass part of the door. The reason I saw her, she had my crazy hunting hat on--you could see that hat about ten miles away.

最后，我看见她了。我从门上的玻璃里望见了她。我之所以老远就望见她，是因为她戴着我的那顶混帐猎人帽——这顶帽子你在十英里外都望得见。

I went out the doors and started down these stone stairs to meet her. The thing I couldn't understand, she had this big suitcase with her. She was just coming across Fifth Avenue, and she was dragging this goddam big suitcase with her. She could hardly drag it. When I got up closer, I saw it was my old suitcase, the one I used to use when I was at Whooton. I couldn't figure out what the hell she was doing with it. "Hi," she said when she got up close. She was all out of breath from that crazy suitcase.

我走出大门跨下石级迎上前去。叫我不明白的是，她随身还带着一只大手提箱。她正在穿行五马路，一路拖着那只混帐大手提箱。她简直连拖都拖不动。等我走近一看，她拿的原来是我的一只旧箱子，是我在胡敦念书的时候用的。我猜不出她拿了它来究竟他妈的是要干什么。“嘿，”她走近我的时候这么嘿了一声，她被那只混帐手提箱累得都上气不接下气了。

"I thought maybe you weren't coming," I said. "What the hell's in that bag? I don't need anything. I'm just going the way I am. I'm not even taking the bags I got at the station. What the hellya got in there?"

“我还以为你不来了呢，”我说。“那只箱子里装的什么？我什么也不需要。我就这样动身，连我寄存在车站里的那两只手提箱我都不准备带走。箱子里到底他妈的装了些什么？”

She put the suitcase down. "My clothes," she said. "I'm going with you. Can I? Okay?"

她把手提箱放下了。“我的衣服，”她说。“我要跟你一块儿走。可以吗？成不成？”

"What?" I said. I almost fell over when she said that. I swear to God I did. I got sort of dizzy and I thought I was going to pass out or something again.

“什么？”我说。她一说这话，我差点儿摔倒在地上了。我可以对天发誓我真是这样。我觉得一阵昏眩，心想我大概又要晕过去了。

"I took them down the back elevator so Charlene wouldn't see me. It isn't heavy. All I have in it is two dresses and my moccasins and my underwear and socks and some other things. Feel it. It isn't heavy. Feel it once. . . Can't I go with you? Holden? Can't I? Please."

“我拿着箱子乘后面电梯下来的，所以查丽娜没看见我。箱子不重。我只带了两件衣服，我的鹿皮靴，我的内衣和袜子，还有其它一些零碎东西。你拿着试试。一点不重。你试试看……我能跟你去吗？霍尔顿？我能吗？劳驾啦。”

"No. Shut up."

“不成。给我住嘴。”

I thought I was going to pass out cold. I mean I didn't mean to tell her to shut up and all, but I thought I was going to pass out again.

我觉得自己马上要晕过去了。我是说我本来不想跟她说住嘴什么的，可我觉得自己又要晕过去了。

"Why can't I? Please, Holden! I won't do anything-- I'll just go with you, that's all! I won't even take my clothes with me if you don't want me to--I'll just take my--"

“我干吗不可以？劳驾啦，霍尔顿；我决不麻烦你——我只是跟你一块儿走，光是跟你走！我甚至连衣服也不带，要是你不叫我带的话——我只带我的——”

"You can't take anything. Because you're not going. I'm going alone. So shut up."

“你什么也不能带。因为你不能去。我只一个人去，所以快给我住嘴。”

"Please, Holden. Please let me go. I'll be very, very, very--You won't even--"

“劳驾啦，霍尔额。请让我去吧。我可以十分、十分、十分——你甚至都不会——”

"You're not going. Now, shut up! Gimme that bag," I said. I took the bag off her. I was almost all set to hit her, I thought I was going to smack her for a second. I really did.She started to cry.

“你不能去。快给我住嘴！把那箱子给我，”我说着，从她手里夺过箱子。我几乎要动手揍她。我真想给她一巴掌。一点不假，她哭了起来。

"I thought you were supposed to be in a play at school and all I thought you were supposed to be Benedict Arnold in that play and all," I said. I said it very nasty. "Whuddaya want to do? Not be in the play, for God's sake?"

“我还以为你要在学校里演戏呢。我还以为你要演班纳迪克特·阿诺德呢，”我说。我说得难听极了。“你这是要干什么？不想演戏啦，老天爷？”

That made her cry even harder. I was glad. All of a sudden I wanted her to cry till her eyes practically dropped out. I almost hated her. I think I hated her most because she wouldn't be in that play any more if she went away with me.

她听了哭得更凶了。我倒是很高兴。一霎时，我很希望她把眼珠子都哭出来。我几乎都有点儿恨她了。我想我恨她最厉害的一点是因为她跟我走了以后，就不能演那戏了。

"Come on," I said. I started up the steps to the museum again. I figured what I'd do was, I'd check the crazy suitcase she'd brought in the checkroom, andy then she could get it again at three o'clock, after school. I knew she couldn't take it back to school with her. "Come on, now," I said.She didn't go up the steps with me, though. She wouldn't come with me. I went up anyway, though, and brought the bag in the checkroom and checked it, and then I came down again. She was still standing there on the sidewalk, but she turned her back on me when I came up to her. She can do that. She can turn her back on you when she feels like it. "I'm not going away anywhere. I changed my mind. So stop crying, and shut up," I said. The funny part was, she wasn't even crying when I said that. I said it anyway, though, "C'mon, now. I'll walk you back to school. C'mon, now. You'll be late."

“走吧，”我说。我又跨上石级向博物馆走去。我当时想要做的，是想把她带来的那只混帐手提箱存到衣帽间里，等她三点钟放学的时候再来取。我知道她没法拎着箱子去上学。“喂，来吧，”我说，可她不肯跟我一起走上石级。她不肯跟我一起走。于是我一个人上去，把手提箱送到衣帽间里存好，又走了回来。她依旧站在那儿人行道上，可她一看见我向她走去，就一转身背对着我。她做得出来。她只要想转背，就可以转过背去不理你。“我哪儿也不去了。我已经改变了主意。所以别再哭了，”我说。好笑的是，我说这话的时候她根本不在哭。可我还是这么说了。“喂，走吧。我送你回学校去。喂，走吧。你要迟到啦。”

She wouldn't answer me or anything. I sort of tried to get hold of her old hand, but she wouldn't let me. She kept turning around on me.

她不肯答理我。我想拉她的手，可她不让我拉。她不住地转过身去背对着我。

"Didja have your lunch? Ya had your lunch yet?" I asked her.

“你吃了午饭没有？你已经吃了午饭没有？”我问她。

She wouldn't answer me. All she did was, she took off my red hunting hat--the one I gave her--and practically chucked it right in my face. Then she turned her back on me again. It nearly killed me, but I didn't say anything. I just picked it up and stuck it in my coat pocket.

她不肯答理我。她只是脱下我那顶红色猎人帽——就是我给她的那顶——劈面朝我扔来。接着她又转身背对着我。我差点儿笑痛肚皮，可我没吭声。我只是把帽子拾了起来，塞进我的大衣口袋。

"Come on, hey. I'll walk you back to school," I said.

“走吧，嗨。我送你回学校去，”我说。

"I'm not going back to school."

“我不回学校。”

I didn't know what to say when she said that. I just stood there for a couple of minutes.

我听了这话，一时不知怎么说好。我只是在那儿默默站了一两分钟。

"You have to go back to school. You want to be in that play, don't you? You want to be Benedict Arnold, don't you?"

“你一定得回学校去。你不是要演戏吗？你不是要演班纳迪克特·阿诺德吗？”

"No."

“不。”

"Sure you do. Certainly you do. C'mon, now, let's go," I said. "In the first place, I'm not going away anywhere, I told you. I'm going home. I'm going home as soon as you go back to school. First I'm gonna go down to the station and get my bags, and then I'm gonna go straight--"

“你当然要演，你一定要演。走吧，喂，咱们走吧，”我说。“首先，我哪儿也不去了，我刚才不是说了吗。我要回家去。你一回学校，我也马上回家。我先上车站取我的箱子，随后直接回——”

"I said I'm not going back to school. You can do what you want to do, but I'm not going back to chool," she said. "So shut up." It was the first time she ever told me to shut up. It sounded terrible. God, it sounded terrible. It sounded worse than swearing. She still wouldn't look at me either, and every time I sort of put my hand on her shoulder or something, she wouldn't let me.

“我说过我不回学校了。你爱干什么就干什么，可我不回学校，”她说。“所以你给我住嘴。”她叫我住嘴，这还是她第一次这样跟我说。听起来实在可怕。老天爷，听起来实在可怕。比咒骂还可怕。她依旧不肯看我一眼，而且每次我把手搭在她肩上什么的，她总是不让我。

"Listen, do you want to go for a walk?" I asked her. "Do you want to take a walk down to the zoo? If I let you not go back to school this afternoon and go for walk, will you cut out this crazy stuff?"

“听着，你是不是想散一会儿步呢？”我问她。“你是不是想去动物园？要是我今天下午不让你上学去，带你散一会步，你能不能打消你这种混帐念头？”

She wouldn't answer me, so I said it over again. "If I let you skip school this afternoon and go for a little walk, will you cut out the crazy stuff? Will you go back to school tomorrow like a good girl?"

她不肯答理我，所以我又重复了一遍。“要是我今天下午不让你上学去，带你散一会儿步，你能不能打消你这种混帐念头？你明天能不能乖乖儿上学去？”

"I may and I may not," she said. Then she ran right the hell across the street, without even looking to see if any cars were coming. She's a madman sometimes.

“我也许去，也许不去，”她说完，就马上奔跑着穿过马路，也不看看有没有车辆。有时候她简直是个疯子。

I didn't follow her, though. I knew she'd follow me, so I started walking downtown toward the zoo, on the park side of the street, and she started walking downtown on the other goddam side of the street, She wouldn't look over at me at all, but I could tell she was probably watching me out of the corner of her crazy eye to see where I was going and all. Anyway, we kept walking that way all the way to the zoo. The only thing that bothered me was when a double-decker bus came along because then I couldn't see across the street and I couldn't see where the hell she was. But when we got to the zoo, I yelled over to her, "Phoebe! I'm going in the zoo! C'mon, now!" She wouldn't look at me, but I could tell she heard me, and when I started down the steps to the zoo I turned around and saw she was crossing the street and following me and all.

可我并没跟着她去。我知道她会跟着我，因此我就朝动物园走去，走的是靠公园那边街上。她呢，也朝动物园的方向走去，只是走的是他妈的另一边街上。她不肯抬起头来看我，可我看得出她大概从她的混帐眼角里瞟我，看我往哪儿走。嗯，我们就这样一直走到动物园。我唯一觉得不放心的时候是有辆双层公共汽车开过，因为那时我望不见街对面，看不到她在他妈的什么地方。可等到我们到了动物园以后，我就大声向她喊道：“菲芘！我进动物园去了！来吧，喂！”她不肯拿眼看我，可我看得出她听见了我的话。我走下台阶进动物园的时候，回头一望，看见她也穿过马路跟我来了。

There weren't too many people in the zoo because it was sort of a lousy day, but there were a few around the sea lions' swimming pool and all. I started to go by but old Phoebe stopped and made out she was watching the sea lions getting fed--a guy was throwing fish at them--so I went back. I figured it was a good chance to catch up with her and all. I went up and sort of stood behind her and sort of put my hands on her shoulders, but she bent her knees and slid out from me--she can certainly be very snotty when she wants to. She kept standing there while the sea lions were getting fed and I stood right behind her. I didn't put my hands on her shoulders again or anything because if I had she really would've beat it on me. Kids are funny. You have to watch what you're doing.

由于天气不好，动物园里的人不多，可是在海狮的游泳池旁边倒围着一些人。我迈步继续往前走，可老菲芘停住脚步，似乎要看人喂海狮——有个家伙在朝它们扔鱼——因此我又走了回去。我揣摩这是跟她和解的好机会，所以我就走去站在她背后，把两手搭在她肩上，可她一屈膝，从我手中溜出去了——她只要成心，的确很能怄人。她一直站在那儿看喂海狮，我也就一直站在她背后。我没再把手搭在她肩上什么的，因为我要是再这么做，她当真还会给我难看。孩子们都很可笑。你跟他们打交道的时候可得留神。

She wouldn't walk right next to me when we left the sea lions, but she didn't walk too far away. She sort of walked on one side of the sidewalk and I walked on the other side. It wasn't too gorgeous, but it was better than having her walk about a mile away from me, like before. We went up and watched the bears, on that little hill, for a while, but there wasn't much to watch. Only one of the bears was out, the polar bear. The other one, the brown one, was in his goddam cave and wouldn't come out. All you could see was his rear end. There was a little kid standing next to me, with a cowboy hat on practically over his ears, and he kept telling his father, "Make him come out, Daddy. Make him come out." I looked at old Phoebe, but she wouldn't laugh. You know kids when they're sore at you. They won't laugh or anything.

我们从海狮那儿走开的时候，她不肯跟我并排走，可离我也不算太远。她靠人行道的一边走，我靠着另一边走。这当然不算太亲热，可跟刚才那么离我一英里相比，总算好多了。我们走上小山看了会儿熊，可那儿没什么可看的。只有一头熊在外面，那头北极熊。另一头棕色的躲在它的混帐洞里，不肯出来。你只看得见它的屁股。有个小孩子站在我旁边，戴了顶牛仔帽，几乎把他的耳朵都盖住了，他不住地跟他父亲说：“让它出来，爸爸，想法子让它出来。”我望了老菲芘一眼，可她她不肯笑。你知道孩子们生你气的时候是什么样子。他们连笑都不肯笑。

After we left the bears, we left the zoo and crossed over this little street in the park, and then we went through one of those little tunnels that always smell from somebody's taking a leak. It was on the way to the carrousel. Old Phoebe still wouldn't talk to me or anything, but she was sort of walking next to me now. I took a hold of the belt at the back of her coat, just for the hell of it, but she wouldn't let me. She said, "Keep your hands to yourself, if you don't mind." She was still sore at me. But not as sore as she was before. Anyway, we kept getting closer and closer to the carrousel and you could start to hear that nutty music it always plays. It was playing "Oh, Marie!" It played that same song about fifty years ago when I was a little kid. That's one nice thing about carrousels, they always play the same songs.

我们离开熊以后，就走出动物园，穿过公园里的小马路，又穿过那条小隧道，隧道里老有一股撒过尿的臭味。从这儿往前去是旋转木马转台。老菲芘依旧不肯跟我说话什么的，不过已在我身旁走了。我一时高兴，伸手攥住她大衣后面的带子，可她不肯让我攥。她说：“请放手，您要是不介意的话。”她依旧在生我的气，不过已不象刚才那么厉害了。嗯，我们离木马转台越来越近，己听得见那里演奏的狂热音乐了。当时演奏的是《哦，玛丽！》，约莫在五十年前我还很小的时候，演奏的也是这曲子。木马转台就是这一点好，它们奏来奏去总是那几个老曲子。

"I thought the carrousel was closed in the wintertime," old Phoebe said. It was the first time she practically said anything. She probably forgot she was supposed to be sore at me.

“我还以为木马转台在冬天不开放呢，”老菲芘说。她跟我说话这还是头一次。她大概忘了在生我的气。

"Maybe because it's around Christmas," I said.She didn't say anything when I said that. She probably remembered she was supposed to be sore at me.

“也许是因为到了圣诞节的缘故，”我说。她听了我的话并没吭声。她大概记起了在生我的气。

"Do you want to go for a ride on it?" I said. I knew she probably did. When she was a tiny little kid, and Allie and D.B. and I used to go to the park with her, she was mad about the carrousel. You couldn't get her off the goddam thing.

“你要不要进去骑一会儿？”我说。我知道她很可能想骑。她还很小的时候，艾里、DB和我常常带她上公园，她就最喜欢旋转木马转台。你甚至都没法叫她离开。

"I'm too big." she said. I thought she wasn't going to answer me, but she did.

“我太大啦，”她说。我本来以为她不会答理我，可她回答了。

"No, you're not. Go on. I'll wait for ya. Go on," I said. We were right there then. There were a few kids riding on it, mostly very little kids, and a few parents were waiting around outside, sitting on the benches and all. What I did was, I went up to the window where they sell the tickets and bought old Phoebe a ticket. Then I gave it to her. She was standing right next to me. "Here," I said. "Wait a second--take the rest of your dough, too." I started giving her the rest of the dough she'd lent me.

“不，你不算太大。去吧。我在这儿等你。去吧，”我说。这时我们已经走到了转台边。里面有不多几个孩子骑在木马上，大都是很小的孩子，有几个孩子的父母在外面等着，坐在长椅上什么的。我于是走到售票窗口，给老菲芘买了一张票。随后我把票给了她。她就站在我身旁。“给，”我说。“等一秒钟——把剩下的钱拿去。”我说着，就把她借给我的钱所有用剩下来的全都拿出来给她。

"You keep it. Keep it for me," she said. Then she said right afterward--"Please."

“你拿着吧。代我拿着，”她说。接着她马上加了一句——“劳驾啦。”

That's depressing, when somebody says "please" to you. I mean if it's Phoebe or somebody. That depressed the hell out of me. But I put the dough back in my pocket.

有人跟你说“劳驾啦”之类的话，听了当然很泄气。我是说象菲芘这样的人。我听了的确非常泄气。不过我又把钱放回了衣袋。

"Aren't you gonna ride, too?" she asked me. She was looking at me sort of funny. You could tell she wasn't too sore at me any more.

“你骑不骑？”她问我。她望着我，目光有点儿异样。你看得出她已不太生我的气了。

"Maybe I will the next time. I'll watch ya," I said. "Got your ticket?"

“我也许在下次骑。我先瞧着你骑，”我说。“票子拿好了？”

"Yes."

“晤。”

"Go ahead, then--I'll be on this bench right over here. I'll watch ya." I went over and sat down on this bench, and she went and got on the carrousel. She walked all around it. I mean she walked once all the way around it. Then she sat down on this big, brown, beat-up-looking old horse. Then the carrousel started, and I watched her go around and around. There were only about five or six other kids on the ride, and the song the carrousel was playing was "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes." It was playing it very jazzy and funny. All the kids kept trying to grab for the gold ring, and so was old Phoebe, and I was sort of afraid she'd fall off the goddam horse, but I didn't say anything or do anything. The thing with kids is, if they want to grab the gold ring, you have to let them do it, and not say anything. If they fall off they fall off, but it's bad if you say anything to them.

“那么快去——我就坐在这儿的长椅上。我瞧看你骑。”我过去坐在长椅上，她也过去上了转台。她绕看台走了又走。我是说她绕着转台整整走了一圈。随后她在那只看去很旧的棕色大木马上坐下。接看转台转了起来，我瞧着她转了一圈又一圈。骑在木马上的另外还有五、六个孩子，台上正在演奏的曲子是《烟进了你的眼睛》，调儿完全象爵士音乐，听去很滑稽。所有的孩子都想攥住那只金圈儿，老菲芘也一样，我很怕她会从那只混帐马上掉下来，可我什么也没说，什么也没做。孩子们的问题是，如果他们想伸手去攥金圈儿，你就得让他们攥去，最好什么也别说。他们要是摔下来，就让他们摔下来好了，可别说什么话去拦阻他们，那是不好的。

When the ride was over she got off her horse and came over to me. "You ride once, too, this time," she said.

等到转台停止旋转以后，她下了木马向我走来。“这次你也骑一下吧，”她说。

"No, I'll just watch ya. I think I'll just watch," I said. I gave her some more of her dough. "Here. Get some more tickets."

“不，我光是瞧着你骑。我光是想瞧着你骑。”我说着，又给了她一些她自己的钱。“给你。再去买几张票。”

She took the dough off me. "I'm not mad at you any more," she said.

她从我手里接过钱。“我不再生你气了，”她说。

"I know. Hurry up--the thing's gonna start again."

“我知道。快去——马上就要转啦。”

Then all of a sudden she gave me a kiss. Then she held her hand out, and said, "It's raining. It's starting to rain."

接着她突然吻了我一下。随后她伸出一只手来，说道：“下雨啦。开始下雨啦。”

"I know."

“我知道。”

Then what she did--it damn near killed me--she reached in my coat pocket and took out my red hunting hat and put it on my head."Don't you want it?" I said.

接着她干了一件事——真他妈的险些儿要了我的命——她伸手到我大衣袋里拿出了我那顶红色猎人帽，戴在我头上，“你不要这顶帽子了？”我说。

"You can wear it a while."

“你可以先戴一会儿。”

"Okay. Hurry up, though, now. You're gonna miss your ride. You won't get your own horse or anything."

“好吧。可你快去吧，再迟就来不及了，就骑不着你的那匹木马了。”

She kept hanging around, though.

可她还是呆着不走。

"Did you mean it what you said? You really aren't going away anywhere? Are you really going home afterwards?" she asked me.

“你刚才的话说了算不算数？你真的哪儿也不去了？你真的一会儿就回家？”她问我。

"Yeah," I said. I meant it, too. I wasn't lying to her. I really did go home afterwards. "Hurry up, now," I said. "The thing's starting."

“是的，”我说，我说了也真算数。我并没向她撤谎。过后我也的确回家了。“快去吧，”我说。“马上就要开始啦。”

She ran and bought her ticket and got back on the goddam carrousel just in time. Then she walked all the way around it till she got her own horse back. Then she got on it. She waved to me and I waved back.

她奔去买了票，刚好在转台开始转之前入了场。随后她又绕着台走了一圈，找到了她的那匹木马。随后她骑了上去。她向我挥手，我也向她挥手。

Boy, it began to rain like a bastard. In buckets, I swear to God. All the parents and mothers and everybody went over and stood right under the roof of the carrousel, so they wouldn't get soaked to the skin or anything, but I stuck around on the bench for quite a while. I got pretty soaking wet, especially my neck and my pants. My hunting hat really gave me quite a lot of protection, in a way; but I got soaked anyway. I didn't care, though. I felt so damn happy all of sudden, the way old Phoebe kept going around and around. I was damn near bawling, I felt so damn happy, if you want to know the truth. I don't know why. It was just that she looked so damn nice, the way she kept going around and around, in her blue coat and all.

嘿，雨开始下大了。是倾盆大雨，我可以对天发誓。所有做父母的、做母亲的和其他人等，全都奔过去躲到转台的屋檐下，免得被雨淋湿，可我依旧在长椅上坐了好一会儿。我身上都湿透了，尤其是我的脖子上和裤子上。我那顶猎人帽在某些部分的确给我挡住了不少雨，可我依旧淋得象只落汤鸡。不过我并不在乎。突然间我变得他妈的那么快乐，眼看着老菲芘那么一圈圈转个不停。我险些儿他妈的大叫大嚷起来，我心里实在快乐极了，我老实告诉你说。我不知道什么缘故。她穿着那么件蓝大衣，老那么转个不停，看去真他妈的好看极了。

God, I wish you could've been there.

老天爷，我真希望你当时也在场。