Ever since they had lived together in a cabin during the summer after he graduated from high school,Chrisann Brennan had woven in and out of Jobs’s life. When he returned from India in 1974, they spent time together at Robert Friedland’s farm. “Steve invited me up there, and we were just young and easy and free,” she recalled. “There was an energy there that went to my heart.”
乔布斯高中毕业那年的夏天，他和克里斯安·布伦南开始同居，从那之后，布伦南就在乔布斯的生活中进进出出。1974年他从印度回来之后，他们两人在罗伯特·弗里德兰的农场度过了一段时光。“史蒂夫邀请我去那儿的，那时候我们年轻、自由、无忧无虑，”她回忆说，“那里有一种能量注入我心中。”
When they moved back to Los Altos, their relationship drifted into being, for the most part, merely friendly. He lived at home and worked at Atari; she had a small apartment and spent a lot of time at Kobun Chino’s Zen center. By early 1975 she had begun a relationship with a mutual friend, Greg Calhoun. “She was with Greg, but went back to Steve occasionally,” according to Elizabeth Holmes. “That was pretty much the way it was with all of us. We were sort of shifting back and forth; it was the seventies, after all.”
在他们搬回洛斯阿尔托斯之后，两人的关系基本上变成了普通朋友。乔布斯住在家中，在雅达利上班；布伦南住在一间小公寓里，很多时间都待在乙川弘文的禅宗中心。到1975年初，她开始跟两人共同的朋友格雷格·卡尔霍恩交往。“她跟格雷格交往，但偶尔又会回到史蒂夫身边，”伊丽莎白·霍姆斯回忆说，“这种现象当时在我们中间很正常。我们的约会对象都是换来换去的，毕竟是70年代嘛。”
Calhoun had been at Reed with Jobs, Friedland, Kottke, and Holmes. Like the others, he became deeply involved with Eastern spirituality, dropped out of Reed, and found his way to Friedland’s farm. There he moved into an eight-by twenty-foot chicken coop that he converted into a little house by raising it onto cinderblocks and building a sleeping loft inside. In the spring of 1975 Brennan moved in with him, and the next year they decided to make their own pilgrimage to India. Jobs advised Calhoun not to take Brennan with him, saying that she would interfere with his spiritual quest, but they went together anyway. “I was just so impressed by what happened to Steve on his trip to India that I wanted to go there,” she said.
卡尔霍恩和乔布斯、弗里德兰、科特基以及霍姆斯一起就读于里德学院。与其他人一样，他也深深沉迷于东方精神之中，退了学，加入了弗里德兰的农场。在那里，他找来一个8英尺宽、20英尺长的鸡笼，将它放置在一堆煤渣砖上，又在笼子里搭了个卧铺，就这样把它改造成了一处小房子。之后他就住了进去。1975年春天，布伦南搬进鸡笼与卡尔霍恩同住，第二年，他们决定去印度进行自己的朝圣之旅。乔布斯建议卡尔霍恩不要带布伦南同去，说她会妨碍他的精神探索，但最终两人还是一同前往了。她说：“史蒂夫的印度之旅深深触动了我，让我想亲身去体验一番。
Theirs was a serious trip, beginning in March 1976 and lasting almost a year. At one point they ran out of money, so Calhoun hitchhiked to Iran to teach English in Tehran. Brennan stayed in India, and when Calhoun’s teaching stint was over they hitchhiked to meet each other in the middle, in Afghanistan. The world was a very different place back then.
这是一段非常虔诚的旅程，从1976年3月开始，持续了将近一年。他们一度用光了所有的钱，于是卡尔霍恩搭便车去了伊朗，在德黑兰教英语。布伦南则待在印度，卡尔霍恩的教学工作结束之后，他们分别搭便车前往两地的中点——阿富汗一与对方会合。那时候的世界是另外一个样子。
After a while their relationship frayed, and they returned from India separately. By the summer of 1977 Brennan had moved back to Los Altos, where she lived for a while in a tent on the grounds of Kobun Chino’s Zen center. By this time Jobs had moved out of his parents’ house and was renting a $600 per month suburban ranch house in Cupertino with Daniel Kottke. It was an odd scene of free-spirited hippie types living in a tract house they dubbed Rancho Suburbia. “It was a four-bedroom house, and we occasionally rented one of the bedrooms out to all sorts of crazy people, including a stripper for a while,” recalled Jobs. Kottke couldn’t quite figure out why Jobs had not just gotten his own house, which he could have afforded by then. “I think he just wanted to have a roommate,” Kottke speculated.
一段时间后，两人的关系破裂了，他们从印度返回的时候也没有同行。到1977年夏天，布伦南又搬回了洛斯阿尔托斯，在乙川弘文的禅宗中心的空地上搭帐篷生活了一段时间。这时候乔布斯已经搬出了父母的房子，和丹尼尔·科特基一起，在库比蒂诺的城郊租下了一间月祖金600美元的房子。那是一个奇怪的场景：两个自由奔放的嬉皮士住在一栋被他们称为“郊区牧场”的房子里。“房子有4间卧室，我们有时候会把其中一间祖给各种各样疯狂的人，有一段时间还祖给了一个脱衣舞女。”乔布斯回忆道。科特基不明白乔布斯为什么不自己买套房子，因为当时他已经有那个经济实力了。“我觉得他是想有个伴儿吧。”科特基推测。
Even though her relationship with Jobs was sporadic, Brennan soon moved in as well. This made for a set of living arrangements worthy of a French farce. The house had two big bedrooms and two tiny ones. Jobs, not surprisingly, commandeered the largest of them, and Brennan (who was not really living with him) moved into the other big bedroom. “The two middle rooms were like for babies, and I didn’t want either of them, so I moved into the living room and slept on a foam pad,” said Kottke. They turned one of the small rooms into space for meditating and dropping acid, like the attic space they had used at Reed. It was filled with foam packing material from Apple boxes. “Neighborhood kids used to come over and we would toss them in it and it was great fun,” said Kottke, “but then Chrisann brought home some cats who peed in the foam, and then we had to get rid of it.”
尽管布伦南与乔布斯的关系断断续续，但她很快也搬进了他们的房子。这样一来，房间的分配问题就成了一出闹剧。房子分成两个大房间和两个小房间。奄无疑问，乔布斯霸占了最大的一个房间，而布伦南（既然她并没有和史蒂夫同居）搬进了另一个大房间。“剩下的两个房间小得像是给婴儿住的，我一个都不想要，于是我就搬进了客厅，睡在一块泡沫垫子上。”科特基说。他们把一个小房间变成了他们冥想和服迷幻药的地方，就像他们在里德学院的时候在阁楼上开辟的那块空间。房间里堆满了苹果电脑包装箱里用的泡沫填充物。“邻居家的小孩经常会过来玩，我们就把孩子们往泡沫上扔，非常有意思，”科特基说，“但后来克里斯安带了几只猫回来，它们会往泡沫上撒尿，于是我们只能把泡沫全扔掉。”
Living in the house at times rekindled the physical relationship between Brennan and Jobs, and within a few months she was pregnant. “Steve and I were in and out of a relationship for five years before I got pregnant,” she said. “We didn’t know how to be together and we didn’t know how to be apart.” When Greg Calhoun hitchhiked from Colorado to visit them on Thanksgiving 1977, Brennan told him the news: “Steve and I got back together, and now I’m pregnant, but now we are on again and off again, and I don’t know what to do.”
同在一个屋檐下，克里斯安·布伦南和乔布斯有时候会欲火重燃。几个月后，她怀孕了。“在我怀孕前，史蒂夫和我的关系已经断断续续维持了5年，”她说，“我们不知道怎样在一起，也不知道怎样分开。”1977年的感恩节，格雷格·卡尔霍恩搭便车从科罗拉多州来拜访他们，布伦南把怀孕的事情告诉了他。她说：“之前史蒂夫和我复合了，现在我怀孕了，但我们的关系又开始时断时续，我不知道该怎么办。”
Calhoun noticed that Jobs was disconnected from the whole situation. He even tried to convince Calhoun to stay with them and come to work at Apple. “Steve was just not dealing with Chrisann or the pregnancy,” he recalled. “He could be very engaged with you in one moment, but then very disengaged. There was a side to him that was frighteningly cold.”
卡尔霍恩注意到，乔布斯对此毫不关心。他甚至还想劝说卡尔霍恩留下来和他们住在一起，然后去苹果公司工作。“史蒂夫根本不管克里斯安和她怀孕的事情，”他说，“他有时候会非常关心你，但之后又完全不管不顾。他的性格中有一面冷漠得吓人。”
When Jobs did not want to deal with a distraction, he sometimes just ignored it, as if he could will it out of existence. At times he was able to distort reality not just for others but even for himself. In the case of Brennan’s pregnancy, he simply shut it out of his mind. When confronted, he would deny that he knew he was the father, even though he admitted that he had been sleeping with her. “I wasn’t sure it was my kid, because I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only one she was sleeping with,” he told me later. “She and I were not really even going out when she got pregnant. She just had a room in our house.” Brennan had no doubt that Jobs was the father. She had not been involved with Greg or any other men at the time.
Was he lying to himself, or did he not know that he was the father? “I just think he couldn’t access that part of his brain or the idea of being responsible,” Kottke said. Elizabeth Holmes agreed: “He considered the option of parenthood and considered the option of not being a parent, and he decided to believe the latter. He had other plans for his life.”
他是在欺骗自己呢，还是真的不知道自己就是孩子的父亲？“我认为他就是不想去想这事儿或承担责任。”科特基猜测。伊丽莎白·霍姆斯同意这一说法。“他考虑过到底要不要承担起一个父亲的责任，但最终还是决定放弃。他对人生有其他规划。”
There was no discussion of marriage. “I knew that she was not the person I wanted to marry, and we would never be happy, and it wouldn’t last long,” Jobs later said. “I was all in favor of her getting an abortion, but she didn’t know what to do. She thought about it repeatedly and decided not to, or I don’t know that she ever really decided—I think time just decided for her.” Brennan told me that it was her choice to have the baby: “He said he was fine with an abortion but never pushed for it.” Interestingly, given his own background, he was adamantly against one option. “He strongly discouraged me putting the child up for adoption,” she said.
结婚自然更不用考虑。“我知道她不是我想娶的那个人，我们在一起不会快乐，婚姻也不会维系太久，”乔布斯后来说，“我希望她能把孩子拿掉，但她有些不知所措。她反复思考之后，打算留下孩子，其实我也不知道她的决定到底是怎样的——我想是时间替她作出了决定吧。”布伦南告诉我，留下孩子是她自己的选择：“他说他赞成堕胎，但并没有逼迫我。”有趣的是，鉴于自己的身世，乔布斯却坚决反对一种做法，布伦南说：“他强烈阻止我把孩子送人领养。”
There was a disturbing irony. Jobs and Brennan were both twenty-three, the same age that Joanne Schieble and Abdulfattah Jandali had been when they had Jobs. He had not yet tracked down his biological parents, but his adoptive parents had told him some of their tale. “I didn’t know then about this coincidence of our ages, so it didn’t affect my discussions with Chrisann,” he later said. He dismissed the notion that he was somehow following his biological father’s pattern of getting his girlfriend pregnant when he was twenty-three, but he did admit that the ironic resonance gave him pause. “When I did find out that he was twenty-three when he got Joanne pregnant with me, I thought, whoa!”
还有一个很讽剌的巧合。乔布斯和布伦南当时都是23岁，而乔安妮·席贝尔和阿卜杜勒法塔赫·钱德里也是在23岁这年有了乔布斯。乔布斯还没有找自己的亲生父母，但他已经从养父母那里知道了一些情况。“那时候我并不知道年龄上的巧合，所以它没有影响到我和克里斯安对此事的讨论。”他后来说。他否认自己沿袭了生父在23岁那年逃避现实和责任的行事风格，但也承认这个颇为讽刺的巧合让他十分震惊。“当我发现乔安妮也是23岁怀上我的时候，我想——天哪！”
The relationship between Jobs and Brennan quickly deteriorated. “Chrisann would get into this kind of victim mode, when she would say that Steve and I were ganging up on her,” Kottke recalled. “Steve would just laugh and not take her seriously.” Brennan was not, as even she later admitted, very emotionally stable. She began breaking plates, throwing things, trashing the house, and writing obscene words in charcoal on the wall. She said that Jobs kept provoking her with his callousness: “He was an enlightened being who was cruel.” Kottke was caught in the middle. “Daniel didn’t have that DNA of ruthlessness, so he was a bit flipped by Steve’s behavior,” according to Brennan. “He would go from ‘Steve’s not treating you right’ to laughing at me with Steve.”
乔布斯和布伦南之间的关系急速恶化。“克里斯安会摆出一副受害者的嘴脸，说史蒂夫和我联合起来对付她，”科特基回忆说，“史蒂夫就会笑笑，并不把她当回事。”布伦南后来也承认，自己当时情绪不是很稳定。她开始摔盘子、扔东西、在家里乱丢垃圾，还用炭笔在墙上写些粗俗的话。她说乔布斯的麻木不仁一直激怒着她。“他是个性格明朗的人，但十分冷酷，真是很奇怪的性格组合。”科特基被夹在了两人中间。“丹尼尔不是个无情的人，他是受到了史蒂夫行为的影响。”布伦南说，“他有时候会对我说：‘史蒂夫对待你的方式不对。’但也会和史蒂夫一起嘲笑我。”
Robert Friedland came to her rescue. “He heard that I was pregnant, and he said to come on up to the farm to have the baby,” she recalled. “So I did.” Elizabeth Holmes and other friends were still living there, and they found an Oregon midwife to help with the delivery. On May 17, 1978, Brennan gave birth to a baby girl. Three days later Jobs flew up to be with them and help name the new baby. The practice on the commune was to give children Eastern spiritual names, but Jobs insisted that she had been born in America and ought to have a name that fit. Brennan agreed. They named her Lisa Nicole Brennan, not giving her the last name Jobs. And then he left to go back to work at Apple. “He didn’t want to have anything to do with her or with me,” said Brennan.
罗伯特·弗里德兰拯救了她。“他听说我怀孕了，就让我立刻到农场去，在那儿把孩子生下来，”她回忆说，“我于是去了。”伊丽莎白·霍姆斯和其他朋友当时还住在农场里，他们找了一个俄勒冈州的助产士来帮她接生。1978年5月17日，布伦南产下了一名女婴。3天之后，乔布斯飞到农场看望他们，顺便帮孩子起名。公社里的惯例是给孩子起一个带有东方精神的名字，但乔布斯认为孩子是在美国出生的，坚持要给她起一个符合美国文化的名字。布伦南也同意这点。他们给她起名丽萨·妮科尔·布伦南（LisaNicoleBrerman），并没有让她随乔布斯的姓。之后乔布斯就返回苹果公司上班去了。布伦南说：“他不想和孩子或者我扯上任何关系。”
She and Lisa moved to a tiny, dilapidated house in back of a home in Menlo Park. They lived on welfare because Brennan did not feel up to suing for child support. Finally, the County of San Mateo sued Jobs to try to prove paternity and get him to take financial responsibility. At first Jobs was determined to fight the case. His lawyers wanted Kottke to testify that he had never seen them in bed together, and they tried to line up evidence that Brennan had been sleeping with other men. “At one point I yelled at Steve on the phone, ‘You know that is not true,’” Brennan recalled. “He was going to drag me through court with a little baby and try to prove I was a whore and that anyone could have been the father of that baby.”
她和丽萨搬到了门洛帕克，住在一户人家后面又小又破的房子里。她们靠政府救济金生活，因为布伦南觉得自己没有能力打官司争取赡养费。最终，圣马特奥县起诉了乔布斯，试图证明他和孩子的亲子关系，并让他承担经济责任。起初，乔布斯下定决心把这场官司打到底。他的律师们想让科特基作证，称自己从未见过他们上床，同时他们还想收集证据，以证明布伦南当时还跟别的男人发生过关系。“我曾经在电话里对史蒂夫吼道：‘你知道那不是真的。’”布伦南回忆，“他想让我带着孩子出现在法庭上，然后证明我是个荡妇，任何人都可能是孩子的父亲。”
A year after Lisa was born, Jobs agreed to take a paternity test. Brennan’s family was surprised, but Jobs knew that Apple would soon be going public and he decided it was best to get the issue resolved. DNA tests were new, and the one that Jobs took was done at UCLA. “I had read about DNA testing, and I was happy to do it to get things settled,” he said. The results were pretty dispositive. “Probability of paternity . . . is 94.41%,” the report read. The California courts ordered Jobs to start paying $385 a month in child support, sign an agreement admitting paternity, and reimburse the county $5,856 in back welfare payments. He was given visitation rights but for a long time didn’t exercise them.
丽萨出生一年之后，乔布斯同意进行亲子鉴定。布伦南一家对此感到很吃惊，但乔布斯知道，苹果公司即将上市，最好在此之前把问题解决。DNA测试在当时还是新鲜事物，乔布斯在加州大学洛杉矶分校进行了测试。“我曾经看到过关于DNA测试的介绍，我很乐意进行测试，把事情弄清楚。”他说。结果是决定性的。报告显“亲子关系的可能性是94.41%。”加州法院判决乔布斯开始支付每月385美元的赡养费，签署协议承认亲子关系，并偿还5856美元的政府救济金。他享有探视权，但很长一段时间内他并没有行使这项杈利。
Even then Jobs continued at times to warp the reality around him. “He finally told us on the board,” Arthur Rock recalled, “but he kept insisting that there was a large probability that he wasn’t the father. He was delusional.” He told a reporter for Time, Michael Moritz, that when you analyzed the statistics, it was clear that “28% of the male population in the United States could be the father.” It was not only a false claim but an odd one. Worse yet, when Chrisann Brennan later heard what he said, she mistakenly thought that Jobs was hyperbolically claiming that she might have slept with 28% of the men in the United States. “He was trying to paint me as a slut or a whore,” she recalled. “He spun the whore image onto me in order to not take responsibility.”
即便法院已经作出了判决，乔布斯有时还是会歪曲事实。“他最后在董事会上把整件事告诉了我们，”亚瑟·罗克回忆道，“但他一直坚称，他不是孩子父亲的概率非常大。他有点儿妄想。”他告诉《时代》杂志的记者迈克尔·莫里茨（MichaelMoritz）,只要分析一下数据，就会发现“全美国28%的男性都有可能是孩子的爸爸”。这种论断不但是错误的，也是荒谬可笑的。更糟糕的是，后来克里斯安·布伦南听说了乔布斯的言论，她误以为乔布斯是在夸张地形容她可能跟全美国28%的男人上过床。“他就是想把我描绘成一个荡妇，”她回忆说，“他在我身上打上荡妇的烙印，这样他就不用负责任了。”
Years later Jobs was remorseful for the way he behaved, one of the few times in his life he admitted as much:
多年以后，乔布斯对自己当时的表现十分懊悔，平生罕见地承认了如下事实：
I wish I had handled it differently. I could not see myself as a father then, so I didn’t face up to it. But when the test results showed she was my daughter, it’s not true that I doubted it. I agreed to support her until she was eighteen and give some money to Chrisann as well. I found a house in Palo Alto and fixed it up and let them live there rent-free. Her mother found her great schools which I paid for. I tried to do the right thing. But if I could do it over, I would do a better job.
Once the case was resolved, Jobs began to move on with his life—maturing in some respects, though not all. He put aside drugs, eased away from being a strict vegan, and cut back the time he spent on Zen retreats. He began getting stylish haircuts and buying suits and shirts from the upscale San Francisco haberdashery Wilkes Bashford. And he settled into a serious relationship with one of Regis McKenna’s employees, a beautiful Polynesian-Polish woman named Barbara Jasinski.
我真希望当时以另一种方式处理整件事情。那时候我还没有准备好当一个父亲，所以没能勇敢地面对。但是当亲子鉴定结果显示她是我女儿的时候，我绝没有怀疑过。我同意提供她的抚养费直到她18岁，还给了克里斯安一笔钱。我在帕洛奥图找了一处房子，装修好，然后让她们免费住在里面。她母亲送她去最好的学校读书，费用也是由我来承担的。我努力把事情做好。但如果让我重来一次的话，我肯定会做得更好。
这场官司结束之后，乔布斯继续着自己的生活——尽管没有脱胎换骨，但在有些方面，他确实成熟了不少。他戒掉了迷幻药，不再奉行严格的素食主义，也减少了花在禅修上的时间。他开始剪时髦的发型，到旧金山的高档服装店威尔克斯·巴什福德（WilkesBashford）购置西装和衬衫。他还和里吉斯·麦肯纳的一名员工开始了一段正式的恋爱关系，这个女人名叫芭芭拉·亚辛斯基（BarbaraJasinski），是一个有波利尼西亚和波兰血统的美女。
There was still, to be sure, a childlike rebellious streak in him. He, Jasinski, and Kottke liked to go skinny-dipping in Felt Lake on the edge of Interstate 280 near Stanford, and he bought a 1966 BMW R60/2 motorcycle that he adorned with orange tassels on the handlebars. He could also still be bratty. He belittled waitresses and frequently returned food with the proclamation that it was “garbage.” At the company’s first Halloween party, in 1979, he dressed in robes as Jesus Christ, an act of semi-ironic self-awareness that he considered funny but that caused a lot of eye rolling. Even his initial stirrings of domesticity had some quirks. He bought a proper house in the Los Gatos hills, which he adorned with a Maxfield Parrish painting, a Braun coffeemaker, and Henckels knives. But because he was so obsessive when it came to selecting furnishings, it remained mostly barren, lacking beds or chairs or couches. Instead his bedroom had a mattress in the center, framed pictures of Einstein and Maharaj-ji on the walls, and an Apple II on the floor.
当然，乔布斯的骨子里还留有几分孩子般的叛逆。他和亚辛斯基、科特基三人喜欢到斯坦福大学附近的280号州际公路边的赛尔特湖里裸泳，乔布斯还买了一辆1966年产的宝马R60/2摩托车，在车把上挂上了橙色流苏。他还是很惹人讨厌。他瞧不起餐厅里的女侍者，经常把食物退回并称之为“垃圾”。1979年，在公司的第一次万圣节派对上，他穿上袍子扮成了耶稣基督，他自认为这是带有些许讽刺意味的有趣行为，但却招致诸多白眼。即使在他刚刚开始的居家生活中，他也表现出一些怪癖。他在洛斯加托斯山区买下了一间不错的房子，在家中布置了一幅马克斯菲尔德·帕里什（MaxfieldParriah）的画、一台博朗咖啡机和双立人刀具。但由于他在挑选家具的时候太过挑剔，家中大多数地方还是空的，没有床，没有椅子，也没有沙发。在他的卧室里，中间放着一张床垫，还有镶在相框中的爱因斯坦和马哈拉杰-吉的照片，地上还有一台AppleII。