So much perplexity? So many sleepless nights! Good God! Am I making myself despicable? He will despise me himself. But he's leaving, he's going.
ALFRED DE MUSSET
怎样的踌躇啊!多少不眠之夜啊!伟大的天主!我要使自己变得令人轻视吗?他自己将轻视我。但是他离开了,他走了。
阿尔弗莱德·德·缪塞
It was not without an inward struggle that Mathilde had brought herself to write. Whatever might have been the beginning of her interest in Julien, it soon overcame the pride which, ever since she had been aware of herself, had reigned alone in her heart. That cold and haughty spirit was carried away for the first time by a passionate sentiment. But if this overcame her pride, it was still faithful to the habits bred of pride. Two months of struggle and of novel sensations had so to speak altered her whole moral nature.
玛蒂尔德写信绝不是没有经过一番斗争的。不管她对于连的兴趣开始时怎样,反正是很快就制服了她的骄傲,而这种骄傲,从她记事的时候起,就一直独霸着她的心。这颗高傲而冷酷的心灵第一次受到热烈的感情裹挟。但是,这预热烈的感情虽然制服了骄傲,却仍旧忠于骄傲的种种习惯。两个月的斗争和新的感觉可以说使她在精神上完全变了一个人。
Mathilde thought she had happiness in sight. This prospect, irresistible to a courageous spirit combined with a superior intellect, had to make a long fight against dignity and every sentiment of common duty. One day she entered her mother's room, at seven o'clock in the morning, begging her for leave to retire to Villequier. The Marquise did not even deign to answer her, and recommended her to go back to her bed. This was the last effort made by plain sense and the deference paid to accepted ideas.
玛蒂尔德以为看见了幸福。对于那种既有勇气又有极高才智的心灵来说,看见了幸福乃是一件具有无上权力的事情,然而这仍要和尊严及一切世俗的责任感进行长久的斗争。一天,她早晨刚七点就走进她母亲的房间,求她准她躲到维尔基埃去。侯爵夫人甚至不屑于理她,劝她回到床上去。这是世俗的智慧和对传统观念的尊重所作的最后一次努力。
The fear of wrong-doing and of shocking the ideas held as sacred by the Caylus, the de Luz, the Croisenois, had little or no hold over her; such creatures as they did not seem to her to be made to understand her; she would have consulted them had it been a question of buying a carriage or an estate. Her real terror was that Julien might be displeased with her.
害怕做错事,害怕冲撞凯吕斯们、吕兹们、克鲁瓦泽努瓦们视为神圣的观念,这在她的精神上没有多大的压力,她觉得他们这种人不配理解她,要是买一辆车或一块地,她早就去找他们商量了。她真正害怕的是于连对她不满意。
'Perhaps, too, he has only the outward appearance of a superior person.'
“也许他也徒具出类拔萃之人的外表?”
She abhorred want of character, it was her sole objection to the handsome young men among whom she lived. The more gracefully they mocked at everything which departed from the fashion, or which followed it wrongly when intending to follow it, the more they condemned themselves in her eyes.
她厌恶没有性格,这是她对周围那些漂亮年轻人的唯一不满。他们越是温文尔雅地嘲笑脱离时尚或自以为跟随时尚却又跟得不对的事物时,他们就越是让她看不上眼。
They were brave, and that was all. 'And besides, how are they brave?' she asked herself: 'in a duel. But the duel is nothing more now than a formality. Everything is known beforehand, even what a man is to say when he falls. Lying on the grass, his hand on his heart, he must extend a handsome pardon to his adversary and leave a message for a fair one who is often imaginary, or who goes to a ball on the day of his death, for fear of arousing suspicion.
他们是勇敢的,仅此而已。“再说,怎么勇敢呢?”她对自己说,“决斗中勇敢。但是现在决斗只不过是个仪式罢了。事先就什么都知道了,甚至倒下时应该没什么话也是事先就知道的。直挺挺躺在草地上,手放在胸口上,应该宽洪大量地原谅对方,还要给一位美人儿留下一句话,这美人儿常常是虚构的,或者是她怕引起疑心而在您死的那一天去参加舞会了。
'A man will face danger at the head of a squadron all glittering with steel, but a danger that is solitary, strange, sudden, truly ugly?
“他们可以率领一队刀光闪闪的骑兵直面危险,然而那种孤身面对的、特殊的、意外的、真正丑恶的危险呢?
'Alas!' said Mathilde, 'it was at the Court of Henri in that one found men great by character as well as by birth! Ah, if Julien had served at Jarnac or at Moncontour, I should no longer be in doubt. In those days of strength and prowess, Frenchmen were not mere dolls. The day of battle was almost the day of least perplexity.
“唉!”玛蒂尔德对自己说,“在亨利三世的宫廷可以遇见因出身而伟大的人,也可以遇见因性格而伟大的人!啊!如果于连曾经在雅尔纳克或者蒙孔图尔效过力,我就不会再有怀疑了。在那精力和体力的时代,法国人不是玩偶。打仗的日子几乎就是最少困惑的日子。
'Their life was not imprisoned like an Egyptian mummy, within an envelope always common to them all, always the same. Yes,' she went on, 'there was more true courage in crossing the town alone at eleven o'clock at night, after leaving the Hotel de Soissons, occupied by Catherine de' Medici, than there is today in dashing to Algiers. A man's life was a succession of hazards. Nowadays civilisation has banished hazard, there is no room for the unexpected. If it appears in our ideas, there are not epigrams enough to cope with it; if it appears in events, no act of cowardice is too great for our fear. Whatever folly our fear makes us commit is excused us. Degenerate and boring age! What would Boniface de La Mole have said if, raising his severed head from the tomb, he had seen, in 1793, seventeen of his descendants allow themselves to be penned like sheep, to be guillotined a day or two later? Their death was certain, but it would have been in bad form to defend themselves and at least kill a Jacobin or two. Ah! In the heroic age of France, in the days of Boniface de La Mole, Julien would have been the squadron commander, and my brother the young priest, properly behaved, with wisdom in his eyes and reason on his lips.'
“他们的生活不像一具埃及的木乃伊,禁铜在一个人人一样的、永远一样的套子里。是的,”她补充说,“晚上十一点钟,孤身一人走出卡特琳·德·美第奇居住的苏瓦松府,要比今天去阿尔及尔需要更多的真正的勇敢。人的一生就是一连串的偶然。现在,文明驱逐了偶然,不再有意外了。它如果出现在思想里,就会引起说不完的俏皮话;如果它出现在事件里,我们就会出于恐惧而什么样的卑鄙都干得出来。不管恐惧让我们干出什么疯狂的事情,都会得到原谅。堕落而令人厌倦的世纪啊!博尼法斯·德·拉莫尔如果从坟墓里伸出他那被砍掉的脑袋,看见一七九三年他的十七个后代像绵羊一样束手就擒,两天以后被送上断头台,他会说些什么呢?死是肯定的,然而进行自卫,至少打死一、两个雅各宾分子,那就是有失体统。啊!在法国的英雄时代,于连会是骑兵上尉,我的哥哥则是品行端正的年轻教士,眼睛里会闪着智慧,满嘴的大道理。”
A few months since, Mathilde had despaired of meeting anyone a little different from the common pattern. She had found a certain happiness in allowing herself to write to various young men of fashion. This act of boldness, so unconventional, so imprudent in a young girl, might dishonour her in the eyes of M. de Croisenois, of his father, the Duc de Chaulnes, and of the whole house of Chaulnes, who, seeing the projected marriage broken off, would wish to know the reason. At that time, on the night after she had written one of these letters, Mathilde was unable to sleep. But these letters were mere replies.
几个月之前,玛蒂尔德已经不指望能遇见一个稍微不同凡响的人了。她大胆地给上流社会的几个年轻人写过信,从中得到一点儿乐趣。一个女孩子的这种如此不相宜、不谨慎的大胆妄为,可能在德·克鲁瓦爆努瓦先生、她的外祖父德·肖纳公爵以及全肖纳府的人眼里损害了她的名誉,他们看到这桩拟议中的婚事告吹了,一定想知道是什么原因。那时候,遇到写信的日子,玛蒂尔德就睡不着觉。不过,那些信都是回信。
Now she had ventured to say that she was in love. She had written first (what a terrible word!) to a man in the lowest rank of society.
这一次,她敢于说她爱上了。她主动(多么可怕的字眼儿!)给一个处在社会最底层的男人写信。
This circumstance assured her, in the event of discovery, eternal disgrace. Which of the women who came to see her mother would dare to take her part? What polite expression could be put into their mouths to lessen the shock of the fearful contempt of the drawing-rooms?
这件事若被发现,必将是永远的耻辱。到她母亲这儿来的女人中,有哪一个敢为她辩护?有什么话可以让她们说说以减轻客厅里可怕的蔑视的打击?
And even to speak to a man was fearful, but to write! 'There are things which one does not write,' Napoleon exclaimed when he heard of the surrender of Baylen. And it was Julien who had told her of this saying!As though teaching her a lesson in advance.
嘴上说已经可怕,何况动笔写?拿破仑获悉贝兰的投降消息之后高声说:“事有不可写在纸上的呀!”而这句话正是于连告诉她的!好像事先给了她一个警告。
But all this was still nothing, Mathilde's anguish had other causes.Oblivious of the horrible effect upon society, of the ineradicable blot, the universal contempt, for she was outraging her caste, Mathilde was writing to a person of a very different nature from the Croisenois, the de Luz,the Caylus.
不过这一切都还没有什么,玛蒂尔德的焦虑有其它的原因。她忘记了给社会造成的恶劣影响,使自已蒙受永远不能洗刷的、备受蔑视的污点,因为她污辱了自己的门第,给一个在本质上与克鲁瓦泽努瓦们、吕兹们、凯吕斯们完全不同的人写信。
The depth, the strangeness of Julien's character had alarmed her, even when she was forming an ordinary relation with him. And she was going to make him her lover, possibly her master!
即便跟于连作普通交往,其性格之幽深、之不可知,也会令人害怕。而她却要他作情人,也许作主人!
'What claims will he not assert, if ever he is in a position to do as he likes with me? Very well! I shall say to myself like Medea: "Midst all these perils, I have still MYSELF."'
“一旦他对我可以为所欲为,什么样的企图他不会有呢?那好吧!我就像美狄亚那样对自己说:在这么多危险之中,我还有我。”
Julien had no reverence for nobility of blood, she understood. Worse, still, perhaps, he felt no love for her!
她认为,于连对血统的高贵不存丝毫的敬意。更有甚者,也许他对她不存丝毫的爱情。
In these final moments of tormenting doubts, she was visited by ideas of feminine pride. 'Everything ought to be strange in the lot of a girl like myself,' cried Mathilde, with impatience. And so the pride that had been inculcated in her from her cradle began to fight against her virtue. It was at this point that Julien's threatened departure came to precipitate events.(Such characters are fortunately quite rare.)
就在这充满了可怕疑虑的最后时刻,源于女性骄傲的种种想法浮现出来。“在一个像我这样的女孩子的命运中,一切都该是独特的,”玛蒂尔德高声喊道,不耐烦了。于是,她那从小就受到鼓励的骄傲和道德展开了搏斗。就在这时,于连的启程使一切急转直下。
Late that night, Julien was malicious enough to have an extremely heavy trunk carried down to the porter's lodge; to carry it, he summoned the footman who was courting Mademoiselle de La Mole's maid. 'This device may lead to no result,' he said to himself, 'but if it proves successful, she will think that I have gone.' He went to sleep, highly delighted with his trick. Mathilde never closed an eye.
夜已很深,于连心生一计,把一个很重的箱子送到楼下门房那儿;他叫来一个跑腿的仆人把箱子运走。此人正在追求德·拉莫尔小姐的贴身女仆。“这一招可能没有任何效果,”于连心想,“但是如果成功,她就会以为我已经走了。”他开了这个玩笑,欣然入睡。玛蒂尔德可一夜不曾合眼。
Next morning, at a very early hour, Julien left the house unobserved, but returned before eight o'clock.
第二天一大早,于连趁没有人看见,溜出了府邱。但是八点钟之前,他又回来了。
No sooner was he in the library than Mademoiselle de La Mole appeared on the threshold. He handed her his answer. He thought that it was incumbent upon him to speak to her; this, at least, was the most polite course, but Mademoiselle de La Mole would not listen to him and vanished. Julien was overjoyed, he had not known what to say to her.
他刚到图书室,德·拉莫尔小姐就出现在门口。他把回信交给她。他想他应该跟她说句话,至少这最方便,但是德·拉莫尔小姐不想听,走了。于连很高兴,其实他也不知道跟她说些什么。
'If all this is not a trick arranged with Comte Norbert, plainly it must have been my frigid glance that has kindled the freakish love which this girl of noble birth has taken it into her head to feel for me. I should be a little too much of a fool if I ever allowed myself to be drawn into feeling any attraction towards the great flaxen doll.' This piece of reasoning left him more cold and calculating than he had ever been.
“如果这一切不是她跟诺贝尔伯爵串通好的一个玩笑,很明显,那就是我的极其冷酷的目光点燃了这个出身如此高贵的姑娘竟敢对我怀有的怪异的爱情。如果我竟然对这个金发大玩偶发生兴趣,那我就傻得有点儿过分了。”想到这儿,他变得比以前更加冷静,更加有算计了。
'In the battle that is preparing,' he went on, 'pride of birth will be like a high hill, forming a military position between her and myself. It is there that we must manoeuvre. I have done wrong to remain in Paris; this postponement of my departure cheapens me, and exposes my flank if all this is only a game. What danger was there in my going? I was fooling them, if they are fooling me. If her interest in me has any reality, I was increasing that interest an hundredfold.'
“在这场正在酝酿的战役中,”他又想,“出身的骄傲犹如一座高地,在她和我之间构成了阵地。战斗就在那上面进行。我留在巴黎大错特错;如果这一切不过是个玩笑的话,那我推迟行期就会使我遭人轻视,并暴露在危险面前。走了有什么危险呢?如果他们嘲笑我,我的走还是对他们的嘲笑呢。如果她对我的兴趣有几分真,我走了,这种兴趣会增加一百倍。”
Mademoiselle de La Mole's letter had so flattered Julien's vanity that, while he laughed at what was happening to him, he had forgotten to think seriously of the advantages of departure.
德·拉莫尔小姐的信大大地满足了于连的虚荣心,欣喜之余,他竟忘了认真想想离去的好处。
It was a weakness of his character to be extremely sensitive to his own faults. He was extremely annoyed at this instance of his weakness, and had almost ceased to think of the incredible victory which had preceded this slight check when, about nine o'clock, Mademoiselle de La Mole appeared on the threshold of the library, flung him a letter, and fled.
对失误极端地敏感,这是他性格中的致命之处。这个失误使他大为恼火,几乎不再想这次小小的挫折之前的那个令人难以置信的胜利了。九点钟左右,德·拉莫尔小姐来到门口,扔给他一封信,转身即走。
'It appears that this is to be a romance told in letters,' he said, as he picked this one up. 'The enemy makes a false move, now I am going to bring coldness and virtue into play.'
“看来这要成为一本书信体小说了,”他边说边拾起那封信。“敌人虚晃一枪,我将应之以冷漠和道德。”
The letter called for a definite answer with an arrogance which increased his inward gaiety. He gave himself the pleasure of mystifying, for the space of two pages, the people who might wish to make a fool of him, and it was with a fresh pleasantry that he announced, towards the end of his reply, his decision to depart on the following morning.
人家要他作出决定性的答复呢,口气的高傲更增加了他内心的快乐。他乘兴写了两页纸,愚弄那些想看他笑话的人,并且在信的末尾又开了个玩笑,说他决定第二天早晨动身。
This letter finished: 'The garden can serve me as a post office,' he thought, and made his way there. He looked up at the window of Mademoiselle de La Mole's room.
信写好了,“花园将是交信的地方,”他想,立刻就去了。他望着德·拉莫尔小姐的卧室的窗户。
It was on the first floor, next to her mother's apartment, but there was a spacious mezzanine beneath.
卧室在二楼,紧挨着她母亲的那个房间,但是一楼和二楼间有个很大的夹层。
This first floor stood so high, that, as he advanced beneath the lime alley, letter in hand, Julien could not be seen from Mademoiselle de La Mole's window. The vault formed by the limes, which were admirably pleached, intercepted the view.'But what is this!' Julien said to himself, angrily, 'another imprudence!If they have decided to make a fool of me, to let myself be seen with a letter in my hand, is to play the enemy's game.'
这二楼太高,于连手里拿着信在椴树下走来走去,从德·拉莫尔小姐的窗户那儿并看不见他。椴树修剪得极好,形成一个拱顶,挡住了视线。“怎么搞的!”于连生气地对自己说,“又是不慎之举!如果他们想嘲笑我,让我在众目睽睽之下手里拿着信,这可帮了我的敌人的忙了。”
Norbert's room was immediately above his sister's, and if Julien emerged from the alley formed by the pleached branches of the limes, the Count and his friends would be able to follow his every movement.
诺贝尔的卧室正在他妹妹的上面,如果于连走出由修剪过的橡树形成的拱顶,伯爵和他的朋友们可以把他的一举一动看得清清楚楚。
Mademoiselle de La Mole appeared behind her closed window; hehalf showed her his letter; she bowed her head. At once Julien ran up to his own room, and happened to meet, on the main staircase, the fair Mathilde, who snatched the letter with perfect composure and laughing eyes.
德·拉莫尔小姐在玻璃窗后面出现了;他半露出他的信,她点了点头。于连立刻奔向楼上自己的房间,在楼梯上正好碰见了美丽的玛蒂尔德,她眼晴里笑盈垃地,大大方方拿走了信。
'What passion there was in the eyes of that poor Madame de Renal,'Julien said to himself, 'when, even after six months of intimate relations, she ventured to receive a letter from me! Never once, I am sure, did she look at me with a laugh in her eyes.'
“可怜的德·莱纳夫人,”于连对自己说,“就是在有了亲密的关系六个月之后,她敢于接受我的一封信,那眼晴里该漾溢着多少激情啊!我相信,她从来不曾这样眼睛里笑盈盈地看过我。”
He did not express to himself so clearly the rest of his comment; was he ashamed of the futility of his motives? 'But also what a difference,' his thoughts added, 'in the elegance of her morning gown, in the elegance of her whole appearance! On catching sight of Mademoiselle de La Mole thirty yards off, a man of taste could tell the rank that she occupies in society. That is what one may call an explicit merit.'
他的反应的其余部分就表达得不这么清楚了,是他对动机的无聊感到惭槐吗?“但是,”他继续想,“晨装的高雅,仪态的高雅,也是多么不同啊!一个趣味高雅的人三十步之外看见德·拉莫尔小姐,就能猜出她在社会中的地位。这就是可以称之为不言自明的优点的那种东西了。”
Still playing with his theme, Julien did not yet confess to himself the whole of his thoughts; Madame de Renal had had no Marquis de Croisenois to sacrifice to him. He had had as a rival only that ignoble Sub-Prefect M. Charcot, who had assumed the name of Maugiron, because the Maugirons were extinct.
于连说着笑话,却仍旧没有把全部思想合盘托出;德·莱纳夫人没有德·克鲁瓦绎努瓦侯爵可以为了他而牺牲,他的情敌只有那个卑鄙的专区区长夏尔科先生,他用了德·莫吉隆这个姓,因为姓德·莫吉隆的人现已绝迹。
At five o'clock, Julien received a third letter; it was flung at him from the library door. Mademoiselle de La Mole again fled. 'What a mania for writing,' he said to himself with a laugh, 'when it is so easy for us to talk!The enemy wishes to have my letters, that is clear, and plenty of them!'He was in no haste to open this last. 'More elegant phrases,' he thought; but he turned pale as he read it. It consisted of eight lines only.
五点钟,于连收到第三封信,是从图书室的门口扔进来的。德·拉莫尔小姐依旧是一溜烟儿跑了。“真是写上瘾了!”他笑着说,“其实可以很方便地谈谈嘛!敌人想得到我的信,这很明显,而且要好几封!”他并不急于拆开这一封。“又是些漂亮的句子,”他想,可是,他读着读着,脸色发白了。信只有八行字。
'I have to speak to you: I must speak to you, tonight; when one o'clock strikes, be in the garden. Take the gardener's long ladder from beside the well; place it against my window and come up to my room. There is a moon: no matter.'
“我需要跟您谈谈,必须今晚就谈;半夜一点的钟声响时,您到花园来。搬来园丁的大梯子,就在井边;搭在我的窗口上,爬到我屋里。有月光,没关系。”